My long long busy busy vacation comes to an end today.....and as i keep telling everybody, i am one of the few people in our batch who is not looking forward to it!! i need at least another month to be ready to leave chikki and go bak to the same old grind.....but then i have no choice.....Speaking of choices, some questions have been burning inside me for quite a while now....unfortunately i did not get time to really think about them....and i like to have my views formed before putting them here....but agar aaj nahi likhe to fir baat baat mein hi raha jayegi...so here goes.....
What exactly is faith and what exactly is GOD....really truly...at the crux of the matter? If there is fate, then why do i always try to beat it and end up losing! Just sit back and relax and take whater fate dishes out.....develop a liking for rasgulla if u get it even if ur taste buds lust for vada pav.....And if this is true then why the teaching " apna karm karo aur fal ki chinta mat karo...." how do i decide what is my karm if i dont link it to the fal....at least in kalyug we do X in order to make Y happen....If i am not concerned about Y then how do i decide among A, B, C and X......maybe i ll get some insights when i read the bhagvadgita (currently looking for a good version)
Is it fate that our life turns out the way it is.....or is it the decisions we take, the choices we make? I can say that GOD writes our fate and HE only directs our choices...if all this is true, then a very scary thought of my life being fully directed by autopilot while i have a useless steering in my hand, begins to trouble me! Is it fate that i never even knew my mom while my sister still misses her everyday (btw i got to know a lot about my mom thru my sister in the past 3 months.....and i must say a very fascinating picture has been built in my imagination....will write about it sometime in the future)......maybe that is why i am happier than her...i dont know what i missed!! is it fate of a one month old baby that it is suffering from chicken pox?.....i wonder if GOD can actually be cruel enuf to punish a baby for its deeds in previous births.....is it fate that my passport arrived a couple of days after i cancelled my GRE test (since passport was mandatory for the test)....i never wrote the exam after that and ended up doing my MBA instead of MS......speaking of MBA...i had never thot that i wud be doing it so soon....in fact when i passed out of college, in our gang of 4, i was the only one who did not plan on MBA in the near future and as fate would have it, i am the only one who actually ended up doing it!!!
Fate seems to have turned my life at some of the most important crossroads....how have i hungered for some things only to get them when i dont want them any longer.....and then the hunger returns after the opportunity is gone!! Is it that i want things which i know that i can't get and blame it all on fate....pretty sadist, eh?
The problem is that maybe i am sadly lacking in faith.....in the "LIFE" section of today's times an article tries to deal with this issue (sadly very ineffectively, just like the times!).....the "experts" quoted in the article say that since our life is based on past karma and present karma, there are some things which we cannot avoid, however they can be mitigated using various methods like prayer, daan etc.... i do not have this option also as currently i do not really believe in god....in the past few days when my sister was down with chicken pox and currently when my 1 month old niece has contracted it, i have had to do a lot of stuff in which i dont believe (since chicken pox is believed to be the result of wrath of the goddess durga).....i somehow am not able to believe my own lack of faith since my mom my sister and papa are all very very religious.....earlier i used to believe in prayer as a source of strength withing myself and not actually in supplication but now after some tiffs with god, i dont have even that........
Maybe this cannot go halfway, if u believe in fate/karma, you have to go all the way and have to believe wholeheartedly in the writer and creator of that fate.....( but then what makes the creator design that fate in exactly the way it is!!) and if u dont then dont resign yourself to the bad things happening around you....fight with all ur might and u might just end up having ur own way! (ho sakta hai bhagwan tapasya se khush hokar vardaan de de).....one of my friends always tells me that i try to take care of a whole lot of angles to a task i am doing....i shud just do the average req and wait for the results leaving the rest to fate.....but that is simply not in me.....i have not been "very lucky" (though i have got a lot from life, my posting in pune being a recent eg of what we call luck) and i have always found that i shud go the hard way to get what i really want.....and then even if i dont get it, i dont feel guilty of not trying enuf! at least my conscience and heart will remain blameless.....and i guess that is what really matters for happiness when all is said and done......
What exactly is faith and what exactly is GOD....really truly...at the crux of the matter? If there is fate, then why do i always try to beat it and end up losing! Just sit back and relax and take whater fate dishes out.....develop a liking for rasgulla if u get it even if ur taste buds lust for vada pav.....And if this is true then why the teaching " apna karm karo aur fal ki chinta mat karo...." how do i decide what is my karm if i dont link it to the fal....at least in kalyug we do X in order to make Y happen....If i am not concerned about Y then how do i decide among A, B, C and X......maybe i ll get some insights when i read the bhagvadgita (currently looking for a good version)
Is it fate that our life turns out the way it is.....or is it the decisions we take, the choices we make? I can say that GOD writes our fate and HE only directs our choices...if all this is true, then a very scary thought of my life being fully directed by autopilot while i have a useless steering in my hand, begins to trouble me! Is it fate that i never even knew my mom while my sister still misses her everyday (btw i got to know a lot about my mom thru my sister in the past 3 months.....and i must say a very fascinating picture has been built in my imagination....will write about it sometime in the future)......maybe that is why i am happier than her...i dont know what i missed!! is it fate of a one month old baby that it is suffering from chicken pox?.....i wonder if GOD can actually be cruel enuf to punish a baby for its deeds in previous births.....is it fate that my passport arrived a couple of days after i cancelled my GRE test (since passport was mandatory for the test)....i never wrote the exam after that and ended up doing my MBA instead of MS......speaking of MBA...i had never thot that i wud be doing it so soon....in fact when i passed out of college, in our gang of 4, i was the only one who did not plan on MBA in the near future and as fate would have it, i am the only one who actually ended up doing it!!!
Fate seems to have turned my life at some of the most important crossroads....how have i hungered for some things only to get them when i dont want them any longer.....and then the hunger returns after the opportunity is gone!! Is it that i want things which i know that i can't get and blame it all on fate....pretty sadist, eh?
The problem is that maybe i am sadly lacking in faith.....in the "LIFE" section of today's times an article tries to deal with this issue (sadly very ineffectively, just like the times!).....the "experts" quoted in the article say that since our life is based on past karma and present karma, there are some things which we cannot avoid, however they can be mitigated using various methods like prayer, daan etc.... i do not have this option also as currently i do not really believe in god....in the past few days when my sister was down with chicken pox and currently when my 1 month old niece has contracted it, i have had to do a lot of stuff in which i dont believe (since chicken pox is believed to be the result of wrath of the goddess durga).....i somehow am not able to believe my own lack of faith since my mom my sister and papa are all very very religious.....earlier i used to believe in prayer as a source of strength withing myself and not actually in supplication but now after some tiffs with god, i dont have even that........
Maybe this cannot go halfway, if u believe in fate/karma, you have to go all the way and have to believe wholeheartedly in the writer and creator of that fate.....( but then what makes the creator design that fate in exactly the way it is!!) and if u dont then dont resign yourself to the bad things happening around you....fight with all ur might and u might just end up having ur own way! (ho sakta hai bhagwan tapasya se khush hokar vardaan de de).....one of my friends always tells me that i try to take care of a whole lot of angles to a task i am doing....i shud just do the average req and wait for the results leaving the rest to fate.....but that is simply not in me.....i have not been "very lucky" (though i have got a lot from life, my posting in pune being a recent eg of what we call luck) and i have always found that i shud go the hard way to get what i really want.....and then even if i dont get it, i dont feel guilty of not trying enuf! at least my conscience and heart will remain blameless.....and i guess that is what really matters for happiness when all is said and done......
No comments:
Post a Comment