Happy Valentines Day

I used to think that V day in India was hyped but I have come to realize that it is nothing compared to the States. Teachers send out lists of all the kids' names to all parents well in advance, and the poor parents have to not only spend money on getting gifts for the whole class but also sit with the kids and make them laboriously write names on the envelopes. And the funny thing is that the young kids don't even know why they are doing it! But now they are older and understand a little bit, as I realized from a conversation with my 7 year old nephew.

Nephew - I know what a date is.
Me - Oh, what is it? I thought it was only on the calendar.
Nephew - No, not that one. A date is when a girl and a boy go out for dinner, then dance and then kiss.
Me - No words......


Maybe I will appreciate this day more as they grow older. Although I should probably start appreciating it now. After all, for the first time ever, M plucked a couple of roses from the garden and presented it to me. First time plucking flowers and first time flowers for me - two firsts, memorable day indeed!

Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone!

I have always wondered why people celebrate the new year as intensely and as deliberately as they do. Are they welcoming a chance to write over all the badness of the past year and start afresh? That would explain the resolutions which fall by the wayside in a month. Or is it simply an excuse to party? But does anyone really need an excuse? And pay hundreds of dollars or thousands of rupees to go to an overcrowded place, fight for substandard food and jostle for space on the dance floor? It might remain one of life's unexplained mysteries to me.

Personally, I don't believe in either view. I don't need a date to start afresh. Neither do I need a reason to celebrate. If I had to, I would do it at a time and place where I would not have to mirror the daily life struggle amidst the masses, by jostling for food and space. This year was the same, we stayed in and had a quiet night. I got to welcome the new year with people I love the most. I had ice cream with my niece and nephew and I will always cherish that.

But there is one change this year. Last year was not a very good one for me. Time and again through the past year, I have burst aloud that "life is hard", and it is. That is a fact. It is how we deal with it that matters.

I have been working with low income families in the last few months and that has been an eye opener. America was supposed to be the land of dreams. There weren't supposed to be so many poor families here, trying to scrape a living, as do the poor in India. Why did the American Dream fail them? Poverty was a part of the social fabric in India and all of us grew with it, recognizing its existence everywhere. Then we came to this country, where our social interactions are limited to people we work with. We do not bridge the cultural divide to form a connection with people who provide us with services. And we definitely do not see or realize that there are so many homeless or otherwise poor people who are trying to make it through each day, just like they do in India.

This experience has brought me down with a crash. "Life is hard" has been reinforced too many times in the past year. It is hard but people are brave enough to live it with grace. So, after a long time I made a new year resolution. I have pledged to myself that as far as I am able, I will work on making it a little less hard for someone.  I want to be a part of that grace and I will try to spend time with people from whom I can imbibe those qualities. And all of us can smile through this until we finally achieve "moksha".

Happy New Year (err belated?)

Are New Year wishes even allowed so late? Never mind, it is always a good time when it comes to good wishes. So, here goes - wishing all of you a happy and prosperous new year. And if it has not been as happy or as prosperous as you expected in the first 5 months, don't worry, you still have almost 7 months to go.

The reason I am talking about New Year in May because I had a very different experience this year. Generally your mind is turned inward, taking stock of the year and thinking of the year ahead. This time, my thoughts were very different. I was in India on vacation and flew back on the 30th of dec, so I was in a very nostalgic and pensive mood . The flight back here (home?) is always very hard because the 2-3 weeks in India never seem enough. All the months and months of excitement and looking forward to everything I would do in India end in a huge anticlimax of numerous flights, flying visits and a more urgent longing to just move back. I think the two things which make me miss India more are one, I know that I am not going back anytime soon and second, my life in India has always been relatively easy and fun. People who are here for a few years can freely focus on enjoying the good things here without being bothered by the thoughts of the homeland they left behind. Or else, if life is tough back home, even if they remember the homeland, it is not with a sense of longing but of relief on getting a break from the daily hassles. Whatever the reason, I always come back with a disproportionately heavy heart and the long return flight is spent mulling over how things have changed in my absence and how they will continue to do so, so that a few years later, all the subtle changes will have added up to one big new whole and there would be nothing left of the place I had loved long ago.

Somehow, these thoughts of how I was separated from my birth place, the place I could always confidently call my own, made me think of the Bangladeshis I met in Rome. They were illegal immigrants (not sure if all were Bangladeshis) and sold trinkets and souvenirs outside the Colosseum, sitting on the ground with their wares spread out on a sheet, reminiscent of the way stuff was sold in the bazaars back home. I am sure their life was very hard, given the fact that they could not freely travel and were always dodging the law. But, their hearts were so big. One guy took the time to sympathize with us and advise us when there was a sudden train strike and we were stuck in Rome. Another guy offered us his phone to call friends. They had so little and shared so much - just because we were from back home (note to  non Indian readers - India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and to some extent Sri Lanka are grouped in the Indian sub continent category since we are indistinguishable and have same origins). In the midst of my panic, I was comforted to see the brown skin and speak in Hindi - as if that brief contact gave me the love and safety of home. Later, thinking back on the trip, I kept wondering how they were dealing with their forced exile - whether they were reconciled to it or had actually welcomed it.

This new year when I was wallowing in my misery of not being able to spend half as much time everywhere as I wanted to, I was reminded of those who for some reason or other can never go back, even for a glimpse. I made a choice to move, even the Bangladeshis made a choice to some extent but the thousands made homeless due to the partition (or any other war) never had the choice. War leaves people bearing consequences of actions which were not of their own making in any way. This thought was sobering and made me take stock of my situation. All this angst at change is because it forces me to accept that life has moved on. It is high time to accept that yes, each day we move on and we must keep really "moving on" to reach somewhere.

But the scene outside the Colosseum remains with me.

Run for the Water

I was a bit nervous about this race as this was only the second time I would be running with people and the first was months ago. The first race was a small event while this one was huge (1500 5k and 4000 10 mile participants). Moreover, I did not have any experience running in the cold weather (race was supposed to start at 7am before the sun came out) plus the fact that it was downtown and we had to figure out parking. Well, it was a mess in the beginning (I almost has to throw away my light jacket when I realized that it had become warm due to the huge crowd and I couldn't find Manas to give it to him) but then things sorted themselves out and it was good.

My goal pace was 10min/mile which meant I had to finish in 31 min. Since I am not used to running in a group, I was faster than I should have been. I was also inexperienced with the water stations and I just sort of gulped the water down. The last mile was a steady uphill incline. As a result of all these factors, in the last 0.1 mile, instead of sprinting, I was nauseous and trying not to throw up. I slowed down and managed to finish in 30 min 23 sec, beating my goal time.

I realized that my biggest problem is inexperience with running formal races and running in groups. So, now the focus is on running in a variety of conditions so that I understand what works for me  and to sign up for regular races (or maybe join a running group) so that I get the feel of running with people.

But, it was a big feeling of accomplishment - for me, running has always been a very solo activity so the validation of a big crowd was great. And it felt great that while there are so many things where my body does not co operate, it is still able to achieve some things. And most important, the mind is still the master!

the crowds - it was a miracle that I was able to find Manas

Pumped up for the race, sun is just coming out

The finish line - I was barely jogging, trying not to throw up while everyone else is sprinting

All done!

Proud Indian!

I have been thinking about my neglected blog a lot lately, just haven't been able to take the time out to write. But today, my pride and joy knows no bounds and I have to share it somewhere.

Mangalyaan enters the Mars orbit on the first attempt and at a cost of $74 million (the film Gravity had a budget of $100 million). This reminds of the time India successfully did its nuclear test. Of course I have read only reports but the pride on that success is much more because it is a yet another addition to a brilliant history.

Imagine what we could do if all the "brain drained" scientists had remained in India! But maybe, if they remained, this might not have happened - in my opinion, the scientists remaining behind in India are a group determined to achieve something, in spite of financial aspects, while the ones who immigrated are determined to achieve something, with the support of financial backers.

http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-28268186

Abki baar.......

This is a historic day for India. After a long long time, we have a party winning a clear majority and all of India is looking forward to some exciting times ahead. Now, the government can focus on doing what it wants to do instead of being held hostage by various small time politicians. Also, they will have no excuses if they fail to perform. Needless to say, all of us are hoping for some reforms and given that Modi is portrayed as someone who is aggressive, maybe we will see some changes on the international front too.

I think the best part of this election was the awareness. Although the propaganda on social media crossed the line at times and friendships got strained due to vocal support of different parties, it brought out a consciousness which we as the Indian people were lacking. All of us know that we need change and we have finally voted decisively for it. I think a lot of credit for this awareness goes to the ill fated AAP, the only party which successfully demolished themselves so quickly. But Arvind Kejriwal was the leader to actually connect with the Indian youth and make them vocal and aware of the role they were NOT playing in the democracy. I think not coming from the established parties helped his cause because the heavy weight parties come with a lot of baggage and the common people are too mired in the baggage to actually look at the message the parties are sending across. I wonder if they will be able to reinvent themselves because they would be the ideal opposition party.

The only thing threatening political "utopia" is the lack of an effective opposition. We have seen time and again that a lot of things are promised during elections and promptly forgotten as soon as the elections are over. The opposition holds the sacred trust of keeping the gov on the straight and narrow (in reality everyone is busy being corrupt and stealing the taxpayers money). Most of us got caught up in the election euphoria and believe that the country is going to radically change. But, I think we should have realistic expectations as to what the government can achieve. We need to remember that NaMo is not God but a man and he can achieve only so much. All this Gujarat shining attributed to him is highly overblown in my opinion. I studied in Gujarat in Keshubhai Patel's era and it was a very well developed state even then. It was very safe and we used to walk alone outside campus till 9.30pm (our curfew time) without any issues. It seems that he is claiming female literacy as one of the indicators (read here ) but that, I know for sure, is definitely not true. Girls eduction was so much promoted even before Modi that we girls did not have to pay tuition fees even during engg; and that too in a REC, not a state college. I have not seen higher eduction subsidised for girls in this way and Gujarat did not need Modi to do it. As for general progress, it is easy in a state where the people are hardworking and focused on bettering themselves. Gujaratis are the only Indian community who are found all over the world doing whatever jobs they can and then going on to flourish. Try forcing the people in Bihar and UP to progress! As a Bihar UP combo myself, I can say that we are happy to compromise for less because we are too lazy to put in the extra effort and too scared to leave our comfort zone. The poor 'bhaiyas' found in Delhi and Bombay are there only when there was absolutely no hope of earning anything in their villages. It would be nice to see these states becoming 'vibrant'!

However, apart from the Godhra scandal (which will be blamed on the leader), NaMo is a very effective, decisive leader and that is what our country needs. Unfortunately, although we are a democracy, we are still used to being ruled and do not do well in the absence of a king. And he is a king who is determined to rule well. I look forward to the day when India will become a significant force in the international arena and we will have the say we truly deserve.

The best thing was the US reaction and the way Obama scrambled to call NaMo and invite him, after all the hoopla of denied visa!! Hilarious.

Note - Opinions are strictly 'my opinions' you are free to agree/disagree on your own blogs!

Au Revoir and Bon Voyage - Part 2

All of yesterday morning, my mood matched the weather - dark, gloomy, raining down torrents. We had worked non stop Friday evening to Sunday late night, trying to finish laying down the patio pavers before Kumar left. I was a little sad because memories of last days with Kumar were just a blur of 'mistry' work. I was not even able to say a proper goodbye as we were too tired at night and I leave early in the morning.
I consoled myself with the thought that this is life and this was not the first and would not be the last time when I have had to say 'goodbye'. I tried to concentrate on planning for the remaining work (just the last step of screeding the sand and putting in the pavers in one section).

On the way home from work, as soon as I turned into our street, I spied someone in the driveway. I assumed that, in the absence of a Fedex or UPS truck, it might be a neighbor dropping off misdirected mail. Then as I came closer (our house is the 4th down the block), I saw that the person was bending over the bricks stacked in the driveway (we hadn't moved it to the backyard yet). I was aghast- someone stealing bricks right in the prime time of late afternoon! It was as if I was detached from my body and the scene unfolding before me - as I drove closer, I idly wondered that Kumar had shorts the same shade as the thief and I smugly thought of the surprise the theives would get on my unexpected arrival (I did not think of any potential danger to my person in interrupting a theft). When I finally reached the driveway, my smugness was turned into confusion and happiness on discovering that the "thief" was actually Kumar and he was painstakingly moving the bricks into the backyard.
Turned out that his flight from Austin to New York had been delayed due to inclement weather and he would miss his connection so they gave him a ticket for the next day. He had to turn right back in the rain and come home. And in the true spirit of doing chores till the last moment, he took care of the stagnant water in the newly built patio and moved all the remaining bricks into the backyard.
It seemed as if God was listening to me. I was able to spend some good time with him, we took him for one last trip to Costco and had dinner at Olive Garden. Next day, Manas was there at home to bid him goodbye. It was a good thing that we were not at home to say goodbye the previous day - he had to leave the key under the mat which allowed him to get back inside when he had to return.  So, finally all's well that ends well. Here is the last picture taken right in the place where we have clicked countless pictures over the past 3 years:

The Valentine's Day Saga - Closing Remarks

Enough said about the day on this blog, but with so much pre discussion on it, I felt I should tie all the loose ends by talking about what actually happened on that day. And I want to finish with this topic in this month.

The build up to the day was excruciating. I knew I had to get a card but dreaded the whole effort of going to a store, parking, checking out cards, reading them, choosing one and checking out. The more I procrastinated, the more dreadfully it loomed. I couldn't even suggest doing away with the card custom (I had already suggested and implemented the 'no gift' rule but following it up immediately with 'no card' suggestion might have rocked the boat of delicate balance). The result was that by the time I had two days to go, I was thinking about this one task all day but not actually taking out the 15 min to do it.

And then - God smiled. The day before V day, I  had resigned myself to the fact that the time was up and I would have to act that day. We were having tea after coming home from work and then suddenly M asked me if I had already bought the card. I morosely said no. And then wonder of wonders, he suggested that we could skip the whole card thing. YAY!

The day dawned bright and I was feeling really light with the heavy load off my mind! The office was full of boxes of strawberry covered with chocolate (ordered from the office 'restaurant'), cupcakes, chocolate and discussions of plans for the evening. People were more keen since it was a Friday. YMCA was having a children's fun night where parents could leave their kids to go on a date. My co workers were discussing their preferred restaurants and baby sitting options. M had been pressuring me to pick a place for getting take out for dinner (I had categorically refused to go out and wait for hours for a table). I had insisted on cooking at home but after seeing all the planning going on, I felt that I had to come up with something. So, we went grocery shopping to Costco and Sam's Club. What better day to shop for groceries when the whole country was in restaurants? Once we reached Costco, M started pushing me to get some jewelry (I think it is hardwired in his brain that he has to get me something). Well, we saw a diamond pendant for 98,000 $ (yes 98K for one pendant). I did not want anything, mainly because I did not want the bother of getting something in return (and if I did not get something, I would feel obligated). Somehow I was able to distract him. Then we went to Olive Garden to place our take out order and my goodness, that place was literally crawling with people! They were waiting all over the place! We were told that our pizza would take 50 min which worked for us because we had to go to Sam's. At Sam's M would not be deterred and I finally ended up getting earrings (yes I then took him to the outlet mall on sunday and got t shirts for him). We picked up our food from Olive Garden and ended the day with their super awesome Tiramisu.

And so finishes our Valentines Day Saga.

OMG

Somebody's got to be kidding.

After all my rant yesterday about India becoming Americanized over Valentines day celebrations, I was feeling a little better. I convinced myself into believing that maybe it was an one off scenario. I also thought maybe the email was from Mainland China Bangalore and that city is a more westernized anyway.

And then today I received this:

I am worried what will come into my email next.

And I know what everybody is going to think - I am not even living in the country anymore. Why do I care what is changing? Maybe the people like it and there is a demand which is being fulfilled by these offers. I know I know. I am just like the old grandma at the family get togethers and in Bollywood movies, who keep on reminiscing about the past and how 'zamana badal gaya hai'. Accepting change does not mean you cannot miss the past.

The Changing Face of India

India is progressing (or rather changing) so rapidly that any given city or state shows a very marked change if you go back after even a couple of years. When I visited Pune in 2012, I was seeing that city after a little less than 2 years and Aundh was unbelievably changed. Same goes for every other part of the city I saw. I have heard that Bistupur in Jamshedpur is no longer recognizable. I grew up in a small town and will probably never have the opportunity to go back there, but I am sure even the small town India from our childhood has changed.

Although I get nostalgic about the changes, I do not really mind them in my heart because me and my life are a part of this change. To me, these changes represent a better life and more opportunities to make life better for my family. But sometimes, these changes are a bit frustrating and disheartening.

Okay, so this post is not a rant about the changes but more of my disappointment with one particular thing and that is Valentines Day. Growing up, we were so far away from the western influence that I had not even heard of Valentines Day (although I studied in a Christian Catholic school). In engg college, I was exposed to it but we would have very innocent celebrations - going out with friends and giving each other flowers. But it was never a big deal, maybe because it was an acquired thing. (I am sure my contemporary kids in Delhi must have celebrated it right from childhood!)

When I moved here, I was amazed by the Valentines Day culture. The younger kids give cards, pencils or other small gifts to all other kids in the class. Of course, the parents have to put in the effort of writing the cards and getting the gifts. The teachers send out list of students in the class so that the parents don't miss out any child by mistake. So, they start off by teaching the younger kids that V Day is about celebrating with the whole class (isn't V Day about people you love? I would have thought a class celebration would be more appropriate for friendship day!) Somewhere along the way, they lose focus and then V Day becomes all about couples. So much that if you do not have a reservation well in advance, you lose the chance of impressing your girl.

My poor husband was under a lot of pressure on our first valentines day. It was the very first celebration as a couple (our birthdays and anniversary are later in the year). He did not believe me when I tried to convince him that I really did not care about celebrating this day. Finally I gave in and reminded him that he would need a reservation if we were going to do a dinner date. Of course, all places were full (not that the poor guy knew a lot of places). We ended up waiting 2 hours for a table at a very ordinary Indian restaurant, with service lousier than normal in celebration of the special day. I promised myself that I would never let myself be dragged into such a "celebration" ever again.

So every year, I spend hours convincing M that he does not really need to get me a gift or brave the crowds for dinner. I observe all the hoopla around me, feeling smug that Indians are too smart to waste time on 'celebrating' this day which effectively is redundant (you already have an anniversary to celebrate your life as a couple and a host of other days for people you love). I mark it away as one of the facets of this country's culture which will never appeal to me and my countrymen.

And then today, I got this in my email:

What happened to my "sensible" Indian stand of not acknowledging this day? Are we really doing 'reservations' for this nonsensical day? I am almost scared to go back to my beloved haunts now - I don't think I would be able to bear seeing them turned into American clones.

Happy 8th

Since Manju D does not believe in answering phone calls to accept bday wishes, I have to celebrate it on my blog. Well, 8th Jan is a day to be remembered and celebrated (by the folks in our batch, Surat) because birthday on this day guarantees uniqueness.

I had not planned to wish her here but God sent me an indication. I was reading chick lit yesterday. The story was not too bad but that is beside the point. So, the hero was supposed to be out of town on the heroine's bday but he came back to surprise her. She was really happy since she had not told him that it was her birthday that day and she was not expecting anything from him. When the surprise dinner and dance ended, they kiss for the first time and the hero says that it was his best birthday present ever. This was the clue to the heroine to realize that it was his bday too. The mushy couple become even more mushy (making me skip chapters) once they realized that they were born on the same day a couple of years apart.

Point of the story? - their bday was on 8th Jan and I was reading the book on that date.
This can only be a giant nudge from God to put my wishes here.

"Wishing you a very happy birthday and a wonderful year ahead"

or better still, in terms of American slang for their country's birthday:

"Happy 8th"

Happy New Year

Here is wishing that this year is full of blessings for all of us. May God give each of us the courage to live life to the fullest and the grace to accept it in all its facets.

Bye Bye 2013

Since I am ending the year with my niece snuggling up in bed with me, I felt this story is a fitting end to the year on my blog too:

We went to a hill station (as we call in India) called Pinetop for my birthday. Obviously, the hills are covered with pine trees, but it is famous as a ski resort mainly. We stayed at a nice cozy cabin and since there was no snow at the time, we thought we could hike on the mountains. M and I love hiking but this was the first time we were taking the kids (apart from the short one in a Sedona State Park which they had enjoyed). We took the ski lift to get to the top and then took one of the trails to come down the mountain. To make it gently sloping, it was curved a lot, making it really long. We got bored after a while and started coming down the slope in a straight line through the trees instead of following the curving trail. Simba was really excited with this change and he excitedly jumped and ran all the way down, not caring for trivial things like footholds on the slope. M also likes to win at games so they made a nice pair running down the mountain. Incidentally, it also redeemed him in Simba's estimation because he helped them be the "winning team". So, M's moniker was promptly changed from "mean boy" (because he had scolded Simba for misbehaving when the kids spent the summer with us) to "winner boy".
The situation was very different for Madam, who is all about the correct way to do things, processes and rules. She did not like the fact that we left the path which was supposed to be followed. Then she wanted to be sure of the footholds when she finally agreed to take the short cuts. And you cannot teach a 6 year old that running down a slope is much safer that trying to find 'safe' footholds which may give out if you put too much pressure on them. So, her mom and I were fully involved in convincing her to come down with us. For the first couple of short cuts, she held her mom's hand but was not really happy with her mom's performance. By the third one, the mom had almost lost patience and, in order to convince her to come with us quickly, she asked Beth -" You have to trust me to not let you fall down. After all, who loves you the most in the world?"

Beth, without thinking about it even for a second, left her mom's hand and took hold of mine. After a few seconds, she realized that her instinctive reaction  to 'who loves her most' might have hurt her mom and she tried to fix it by telling her that 'Mom I love you too'. But both mine and my sister's hearts were overwhelmed by her gesture.

My new year wish will not be gyms, weights, money, success. I just hope that I always remain worthy of this unconditional love. 

Happy Halloween

Halloween is really exciting as it kicks off the holiday season, it is fun to see all the houses decorated in scary themes and the costumes are a lark on trick and treating day. Every year I think, I will at least have a token for Halloween somewhere in my front yard. Of course, Mr Husband does not like all this wastage of money on something which is essentially "bekar". But I was insistent and a couple of years ago, I even got an iron witch (thinking that the iron stuff will last longer and I would not have to haggle with him every year). Well, he made a vegetable patch that year and he used the witch to discourage the small animals invading his patch every night. After all that exposure to sun and rain, the witch died a truly witchy end.

Last year, I thought of carving a pumpkin but went with the lights instead because carving seemed too much work and we would have to put in the lights for diwali anyway. Of course, it was nothing compared to the elaborate gravestones, scary animals, big pumpkins, skeletons, bats etc people used to decorate their yards.

This year, with my exhaustive schedule, I did not even think of doing anything. The fact that for the first time, there was no event in my workplace, which normally serves as a reminder to plan something. But, I was still looking forward to the neighborhood kids coming for trick and treating - all the costumes are still very novel to me esp the ones where the kids (or their parents) put their creativity to work and turn out as trash cans, dump trucks, ladders etc.

The week of Halloween, the weather was really rainy and cloudy and I was constantly reminded of Lonavala/Khandala on my commute (of course which led to me to blog about it). This thinking of my old life led me to tune in to Radio City on the radio app (it was my fav radio station in Pune). The RJ was good and one of the fillers/ads was a story where a guy meets another guy on the bus and G2 (guy 2) takes G1 to his home which turns out be in the middle of a field in Andheri. Turns out G2 died 2 day earlier and was a ghost. I had just starting thinking that the quality of the fillers had not really changed since I left and suddenly the punchline comes "Halloween ke awsar par....." I was shocked! Halloween stories and celebrations on radio. I felt as if something belonging to me was being corrupted - all my memories of the radio playing hindi songs and being all desi was suddenly tarnished. My heart was indeed heavy that night. I had an irrational (and totally unjustified) feeling of being let down just because they were playing Halloween stuff on Radio City.

The next morning I got up to all my friends in India posting pictures of their kids trick or treating. I did not have the energy for more shock. When did Halloween become so popular? Granted, I have not been a kid for a long time and I grew up in a small town, but I have lived in cities for a long time, and no kids have come trick or treating. Can it be that they actually came while I was in office and everything was over by the time I came back? God, I hope I was not that unaware of my surroundings. I am too afraid to confirm with my friends who have kids.

The day grew worse with a bad commute. It took me an hour and 35 min to get into work and I was hoping for a smoother drive back but it turned out be only a little bit lesser at an hour and 25 min. I amused myself with remembering the traffic horror stories from India.
I made it back home just as the little kids started their neighborhood crawl. And then things looked up. Seeing the kids all dressed up and having fun really lifted up my spirits.

I also made better work with the kids costumes. I had the whole Cinderella outfit ready but of course, half of it was missing on the actual day (crown, finger ring). Big sister did not let me buy matching blue slippers and poor girl is wearing pink shoes with a blue outfit. But they had fun and that is what matters.

Here is the only picture I have. Spiderman and Cinderella are mine.

And this is what spiderman did with his candy. It is supposed to be Eiffel Tower.

The Drive to Work

In an effort to reduce my travel time, I get up at 5.30 and leave home sharp at 6.45 every morning. This cuts down my drive from 1 hour 15 min to 45 min. I would expect that these unearthly times would mean traffic free roads and I would just zip through office but unfortunately, lots of other people have the same idea.

To make up for it, the drive itself is very wondrous. When I leave, the sun is not yet up and I am still half asleep. Since it is difficult to even think of breakfast in that state, I just carry a bottle of Starbucks Mocha Frappucino with me. The first shot as I leave my neighborhood literally jolts me awake. I never knew cold coffee could have a caffeine kick but now I believe it! The darkness and the extreme quiet, accompanied by my drink and old hindi songs transport me to a world of my own. I have always loved road travel esp at night accompanied by good songs (I loved the Surat - Pune bus journeys in college), and this makes me feel as if I am setting out on a long dreamed of road trip. It puts in a mood upbeat enough to handle the traffic on the last leg of my drive, just as day is breaking, turning all dreams to not so sweet reality.

Today it was very very foggy. The darkness and fog created a very surreal effect and all streetlamps were in focus, with the path of their beams illuminated as if they were being filmed on camera. The illusion of being all alone was enhanced. I love my drives because they are a part of the much sought for 'alone time' and being doubly alone was doubly soothing!
As I have mentioned earlier, my office is on the top of a hill and the last 10 miles are through hilly terrain with valleys, dips and upward slopes. With the fog shrouding everything, it seemed as if I was driving through the clouds and the valleys seemed full of dream stuff. Driving on the upward sloping road seemed as if I was driving into the great unknown as the visibility was very low and the road got lost in the fog/mists.

It reminded me of my trips to Mahabaleshwar and Lonavala/Khandala. On a fresh day, esp after rains, the valleys are shrouded in mist and you can just stand there staring at all the beauty all day. I just hope and pray that I live to see those places again in this life.

Here are some pictures from the internet.:

views of the valley - it looks like this on the drive and from my desk on 5th floor

the popular pennybacker bridge

the view from the bridge is awesome but the traffic is absolutely gridlocked

Bye bye winter

 

No, winter is not officially over. A couple of weekends ago, the weekend weather was awesome and we felt we just had to think of spring. M had been dying to get the grill out and for once he showed a lot of enthusiasm in getting everything ready and turning sat evening into grilling day. For me, it was double awesome because I got good food without doing ANYTHING. It was a very nice experience and I wouldn't mind a repeat. I did not have to think about planning the meal, purchasing the groceries, doing the prep for grilling or the actual grilling. I did not even do the clean up! This is what I call pampering - who wants flowers, chocolates and jewelry when this is available! And special thanks to AG who gave us the Home Depot coupon which got us the grill for free!

 

 

The grillers

And then next day, we got our cycles, blankets and a picnic lunch and went the Brushy Creek Lake Park. Hiking is one of the very few things both of us like and we had gone to that park the previous weekend. Although the hiking was fun, the park was more 'developed' than the typical state park and they have a nice concrete pathway ideal for cycling. As a result, I nagged M for a cycle carrier the whole week and we finally got one (nagging does get results sometimes). We spent a lot of time figuring out how to fix the carrier to the car with the technical expertise provided by me and the muscle power by Manas and Kumar. People walking by our house gave us curious looks - I am sure they would not know what it is for us to learn simple things from scratch - things which they take for granted and have grown up with. No American kid would ever realise that we google and read instructions on cycle carriers, fencing, fixing paintings to the wall and getting the car polished and waxed.
But we finally figured things out. We had a fun day, sitting beside the lake and watching the ducks, kayakars, people and listening to old hindi songs. The cycling was also a lot of fun although we ended up with a lot of sore muscles! I find this country amazing - you buy cycles and then you buy a carrier for it, put it in your car and go to a park to ride it! A lot of work for something which was supposed to be a means of transport in the first place! But I am not complaining - I have always loved cycling and it was one of the first things I got in our first thanksgiving in our new home and I am pleased that I have the opportunity to ride it. The green one in the picture is mine. We came home dusty, tired and very happy.

Happy Valentine's Day

Alert (to me) - This is a crib post, an aberration to my new year plans.

I have never really taken to the concept of Valentine's Day. I feel that it focuses more on romantic love, literally ignoring family and friends whose love make up the fabric of our lives. Anyway, the feeling of mild contempt for the day has now morphed into full blown dislike and hatred and I think it is time I said this aloud.

I don't like any references to romantic love because they remind me of my failures at relationships. I can console myself with my various achievements in life against odds, remember all the valid reasons I failed, but in the end at the back of my mind are the words "I have failed". And failure is not acceptable to me. I have always had a very strict code of conduct defined for myself and have made personal decisions on what is acceptable or not. Most of the times my personal rules have gone against those accepted by society but I have never let it faze me because I have believed in myself. But this failure shakes my belief in myself - more so because not only I failed, but I committed the bigger sin of not trying again. I failed my standards many times but I have always been safe in the knowledge that I faced my fears and gave my best which is a good substitute for failure in my book. But again, here I know that I did not give my best because I turned a coward and took the easy way out.

I know from my talks with friends who have been in similar situations that this feeling of failure is normal. It intensifies because society ignores all your accomplishments and focuses on your failure - thus mirroring and reinforcing the conflict in your heart instead of soothing the hurt over. But, all this head matter does not help because even a "strong" person like me cannot always force the heart to follow the head.

To say that I was surprised by myself would be an understatement as I observed my reactions to this day. People in office were sharing anecdotes about how their spouses had proposed to them etc. and everybody had a loving memory to share. Utlimately, I was pulled into the discussion in spite of my best efforts to avoid doing so. My already black mood had deteriorated rapidly and I ended up giving a very cynical account of arranged marriages which was not a good thing on my part. I was shocked to see how biased and bitter I was.

All these negative thoughts were not the end of a bad day. As I was leaving office, I almost had an accident at a left turn. It was TOTALLY my fault. I was not paying attention since it was a very easily navigated road and got distracted when somebody yielded to me out of turn. I was thinking about all that had happened in office. Luckily, the other lady stopped just in time, otherwise my past would have literally ended up affecting my future!!

I realised I needed to put this into words and see those words so that I can try to achieve 'closure' and 'deal' with it. This is high time I ended all this drama going around in my head. I recently read that forgiveness is a key to closure and I  really understand it now. However, I have always been very quick to forgive others but it has always been very difficult for me to forgive myself. Maybe, it is time I tried to learn the lesson in self forgiveness.

I started writing this on 15th and have finished it on 21st :)

Setting the tone

This post is a bit more than a week overdue. I thought 8th Jan was a good day for such an important update.

New year is the time to make resolutions which I did not want to do. But things kind of flipped out and, as usual, life as I expected it, changed. So, I felt (and not decided for once) that I needed to be a bit frivolous. I feel that my head is getting messed up with all the useless thinking that I do. Earlier I had my friends and lots of responsibilities to balance any dark thoughts swirling in my head. Unfortunately, now, I have neither.

So, the need for fun and frivolity. Otherwise my thoughts will age me beyond repair. I have always been called 'mature' for my age but I think that is just a way of saying that I am too much of a damper.

So, here I am, setting the tone for the year by declaring that this year's theme is 'FRIVOLITY'. I don't think I am ready for ''fun' or 'pursuit of happiness" but being frivolous is something I should manage.
Ever the Virgo, I jumped into my new take on life and spent the new year (29th night to 1st night) reading romance back to back. And it was good. I think romance novels are highly underrated. With all the massive reading I crammed into three days, I have a fair idea of how many ways writers can interpret love.

How did I welcome the New Year? Again, as a Virgo, I took my "resolution" seriously and did the most frivolous (or lame?) thing you can do. I slept off at 11.30 - I guessed the new year would come whether I was awake to pull it in or not.

Here's to lots of frivolity and no dark thoughts in the year ahead.

Words of Wisdom

I will not wish people a very happy new year. The year is not ending on a very good note and my heart is full of shootings, rapes and domestic quibbles.
I will also not talk about new year resolutions - they do not mean a thing.

I cannot do anything about problems plaguing the world but I can try to fix things in my world. My blog will celebrate Dada's words of wisdom as something to guide me today, tomorrow and hopefully through the rest of my  life.

"I don't know sab itne ego kyon late hain beech mein. Ego is the biggest problem in any problem. Anyways, as long as we are humans, we will have ego, I guess. Nahi to insaan jaanwar ban jayega."

Ok. Before we start saying "Dada???" in incredulous voices, I do not write this to embarrass him. I just thought that these simple words actually hold a lot of significance if we take the time to think about them. This does not just talk about changing things, this talks about the more important part of 'accepting' other people as they are, with all their human foibles, and then making the best of the situation instead of trying to burden them with our expectations of idealism.

I "resolve" to not to forget this thought.

Merry Christmas from Atlanta

The day towards which all the hoopla was building up is here! Christmas has been in the air for so long and now it has finally arrived.
I have mixed feelings today. The Christmas season pulled me into its excitement and I duly put up lights. Putting up Christmas lights and seeing our home light up amongst others in the community definitely made me feel a part of the festival. Listening to christmas songs on the radio and watching the kids practise the carols they learnt at school, every evening on facetime heightened the feeling in me. I was a part of the shopping throng though I shopped only for myself and the kids. Yes, I was definitely a part of the season.

And then the shooting happened. Never before have I been so affected emotionally by such an event. I think of christmas and wonder how the families will get through such a supposedly happy season year after year. This season will always be a reminder of how they lost their innocent kids just because a stupid law gives guns to kids barely out of their teens. I look at stockings and wonder how will they face their children's stockings and the presents bought so lovingly for them. I listen to carols and think that the parents will never hear their children sing them again. Though I am personally not affected, I am unable to stop myself from thinking all this all day. And at night, when sleep finally comes after tossing and turning, I have nightmares of people I love suddenly dying. I never knew that I loved so many people!

Today we are in Atlanta. Work was slow and M had off days expiring so we drove over for the week. Last evening we did some sightseeing and obviously the streets were empty. We drove through the residential areas and saw people celebrating Christmas eve with their families. Then it hit me- how much ever lights I may put, or listen to carols, or shop for presents, I will never be a part of Christmas because Christmas means celebrating with family and I don't have that here. I will always be the odd sightseer roaming around vacant sights and hunting for the few restaurants open on THE HOLIDAY. I am doomed to be the outsider looking in - knowing that she does not belong but desperately wishing to.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays folks!