So, I am bringing up this juvenile debate again. Each one of us have fought from our respective sides throughout our school years, in many cases even beyond that. Since this topic, along with a couple others (most notable being the ICSE vs CBSE vs State Board)define the term juvenile, I refused to discuss or even think about it, in a bid to be grown up as soon as I started engg.
In the last 4-5 years, as I have struggled with a lot of emotional turmoil, I have started thinking about my beliefs and what I think of God (more on this subject in a later post). The veg/non veg thing keeps coming up again in relation to God, forcing me to ackowledge it. In a bid to clarify my doubts/questions about divinity, I have been forced to answer questions and form opinions on these topics and hence a return to this 'juvenile debate'. But on closer inspection, this is not juvenile at all - this revolves around God and religion - something which forms our core as Indians.
I grew up in a vegetarian and deeply religious family (interestingly out of the three of us, only my sister inherited/absorbed this religiousness as an adult). We were taught not to eat, touch or even look at eggs and meat. Yes, even look. I remember my mom and elder sister teaching me to look away whenever we passed a butcher's shop (I find that yucky even now). I don't remeber asking a lot of questions about it, maybe because it was a lifestyle for us.I do remember my sister telling me that it is wrong to kill living beings when I asked a couple of questions in school. It was not hard to accept it since the sight of meat was already very repulsive (and gory) by that time.
Then, as I grew into a teenager, I saw a lot of my cousins eating chicken. My dad had always given us a lot of freedom of thought and allowed us to choose our stand. I experimented a bit, touching the eggs at my uncle's place and even making an omelette for my cousin once. The pungent smell of the egg nipped that experiment and by that time I had become firm in my belief (as a result of the senseless debates with the non veg people) and so I did not even try to go down the chicken lane.
When I started graduation, I had friends who were crazy about chicken and the unavailability in the essentially vegetarian state of Gujarat, fuelled this craze. I used to wonder at this craze but never questioned or asked about it because I had learnt not to discuss this sensitive issue. Anyway, there were very few pure vegetarians in my friend circle and we were quite successful in eating out together.
After graduation, I started seeing "kattar" (I can think of no word to describe the fanaticism) vegetarians. My veg Iyer roommates finally allowed my non veg room mate to keep chicken in the fridge, in separately designated containers, and only when their parents were not around. Ouch. During MBA, there was a guy who would not even sit at a table with people having chicken in their plates (even when they sat on the other side of the table). By this time I was very confused. I have always believed in live and let live and giving people the room to make their own choices. So, my reasoning had always been to allow every body to choose their food and sit together. What is going to happen on the table - esp since all cooked food looks almost the same.
After MBA I started working and one birthday, I changed the course of my vegetarianism. Till now my friends had always ordered eggless cakes for me. Now, during bday celebrations in office, the cake would usually have egg and there would a couple of embarrasing moments when I would decline the cake and just have the drink. And then, on my bday, my colleagues ordered a cake for me. I was in a fix - I really appreciated the thought behind the gesture and I did not think my principles stood up in front of that gesture. So, I ate the cake. Since then I have been eating cakes/pastries/cookies even when they have egg.
And then I got married. One of my pre requisites was that the guy should be vegetarian - not from a religious standpoint - just with the reasoning that shared beliefs would make living together easier. After marriage, I found out that my husband eats eggs and he never bothered to tell me as he does not consider egg as non vegetarian! Well, I told him that he was free to eat it outside but asked him to refrain it from bringing it home. Not because I did not want to pollute our new house but because I hate the smell and I dont really find his cleaning abilities up to my standard. Poor guy does not get too many chances to eat eggs now as we generally dine out together and he is too much of a gentleman to order it in front of me.
Now I come to the question which prompted this historical post. A kattar non veg eating friend posted about a spending a veg week during the Ganesh Chaturthi celebrations. It prompted me to think about the other side. What do their parents tell them when they are growing up? I am curious about this in cases where people dont eat non veg on certain days. To me, this indicates that they think that eating non veg is wrong and to be avoided on days related to God. I also wonder about people who keep separate utensils for cooking and eating non veg. Do they think eating non veg as a sign of 'untouchableness' which should not touch their daily lives? I wonder how they reconcile this wrong doing on other days in their heads. Or maybe, they just grew up with this rules and form a part of their lifestyle and do not question it. Maybe, people in my generation would really not mind eating chicken on these days but do not do it just to respect the wishes of their loved ones. As for me, I have never considered the day when eating egg wala stuff, drinking alcohol or smoking - as I do not consider it to be 'morally' or 'religiously' wrong.
So, given all this history and background, how do I bring up a child in the US where vegetarianism is still a nascent concept? I would ideally allow my kids to make that choice when they are old enough to choose (like my dad did) but I am not sure how I would ensure their vegetarianism in their teens. I see that my niece is so much into the concept that she does not even touch the "veg" hot dog she is given in school as it looks like a "non veg" hot dog. Maybe she has inherited this from her mother. Mother daughter duo want to go to veg only restaurants - well on the way to being kattar.
How do I explain my belief to a kid - that eating non veg is not wrong but it is not my choice and I do not want it to be your choice either - till you grow up.
P.S. - I totally disagree with the reasoning some people give that they had to start eating non veg when they left home as it is difficult to survive as a vegetarian, esp in foreign countries. I say that you always have a choice and if I can survive in very un-cosmopolitan parts of Europe. I think it is a case of how much extra effort you think your belief is worth.
In the last 4-5 years, as I have struggled with a lot of emotional turmoil, I have started thinking about my beliefs and what I think of God (more on this subject in a later post). The veg/non veg thing keeps coming up again in relation to God, forcing me to ackowledge it. In a bid to clarify my doubts/questions about divinity, I have been forced to answer questions and form opinions on these topics and hence a return to this 'juvenile debate'. But on closer inspection, this is not juvenile at all - this revolves around God and religion - something which forms our core as Indians.
I grew up in a vegetarian and deeply religious family (interestingly out of the three of us, only my sister inherited/absorbed this religiousness as an adult). We were taught not to eat, touch or even look at eggs and meat. Yes, even look. I remember my mom and elder sister teaching me to look away whenever we passed a butcher's shop (I find that yucky even now). I don't remeber asking a lot of questions about it, maybe because it was a lifestyle for us.I do remember my sister telling me that it is wrong to kill living beings when I asked a couple of questions in school. It was not hard to accept it since the sight of meat was already very repulsive (and gory) by that time.
Then, as I grew into a teenager, I saw a lot of my cousins eating chicken. My dad had always given us a lot of freedom of thought and allowed us to choose our stand. I experimented a bit, touching the eggs at my uncle's place and even making an omelette for my cousin once. The pungent smell of the egg nipped that experiment and by that time I had become firm in my belief (as a result of the senseless debates with the non veg people) and so I did not even try to go down the chicken lane.
When I started graduation, I had friends who were crazy about chicken and the unavailability in the essentially vegetarian state of Gujarat, fuelled this craze. I used to wonder at this craze but never questioned or asked about it because I had learnt not to discuss this sensitive issue. Anyway, there were very few pure vegetarians in my friend circle and we were quite successful in eating out together.
After graduation, I started seeing "kattar" (I can think of no word to describe the fanaticism) vegetarians. My veg Iyer roommates finally allowed my non veg room mate to keep chicken in the fridge, in separately designated containers, and only when their parents were not around. Ouch. During MBA, there was a guy who would not even sit at a table with people having chicken in their plates (even when they sat on the other side of the table). By this time I was very confused. I have always believed in live and let live and giving people the room to make their own choices. So, my reasoning had always been to allow every body to choose their food and sit together. What is going to happen on the table - esp since all cooked food looks almost the same.
After MBA I started working and one birthday, I changed the course of my vegetarianism. Till now my friends had always ordered eggless cakes for me. Now, during bday celebrations in office, the cake would usually have egg and there would a couple of embarrasing moments when I would decline the cake and just have the drink. And then, on my bday, my colleagues ordered a cake for me. I was in a fix - I really appreciated the thought behind the gesture and I did not think my principles stood up in front of that gesture. So, I ate the cake. Since then I have been eating cakes/pastries/cookies even when they have egg.
And then I got married. One of my pre requisites was that the guy should be vegetarian - not from a religious standpoint - just with the reasoning that shared beliefs would make living together easier. After marriage, I found out that my husband eats eggs and he never bothered to tell me as he does not consider egg as non vegetarian! Well, I told him that he was free to eat it outside but asked him to refrain it from bringing it home. Not because I did not want to pollute our new house but because I hate the smell and I dont really find his cleaning abilities up to my standard. Poor guy does not get too many chances to eat eggs now as we generally dine out together and he is too much of a gentleman to order it in front of me.
Now I come to the question which prompted this historical post. A kattar non veg eating friend posted about a spending a veg week during the Ganesh Chaturthi celebrations. It prompted me to think about the other side. What do their parents tell them when they are growing up? I am curious about this in cases where people dont eat non veg on certain days. To me, this indicates that they think that eating non veg is wrong and to be avoided on days related to God. I also wonder about people who keep separate utensils for cooking and eating non veg. Do they think eating non veg as a sign of 'untouchableness' which should not touch their daily lives? I wonder how they reconcile this wrong doing on other days in their heads. Or maybe, they just grew up with this rules and form a part of their lifestyle and do not question it. Maybe, people in my generation would really not mind eating chicken on these days but do not do it just to respect the wishes of their loved ones. As for me, I have never considered the day when eating egg wala stuff, drinking alcohol or smoking - as I do not consider it to be 'morally' or 'religiously' wrong.
So, given all this history and background, how do I bring up a child in the US where vegetarianism is still a nascent concept? I would ideally allow my kids to make that choice when they are old enough to choose (like my dad did) but I am not sure how I would ensure their vegetarianism in their teens. I see that my niece is so much into the concept that she does not even touch the "veg" hot dog she is given in school as it looks like a "non veg" hot dog. Maybe she has inherited this from her mother. Mother daughter duo want to go to veg only restaurants - well on the way to being kattar.
How do I explain my belief to a kid - that eating non veg is not wrong but it is not my choice and I do not want it to be your choice either - till you grow up.
P.S. - I totally disagree with the reasoning some people give that they had to start eating non veg when they left home as it is difficult to survive as a vegetarian, esp in foreign countries. I say that you always have a choice and if I can survive in very un-cosmopolitan parts of Europe. I think it is a case of how much extra effort you think your belief is worth.
2 comments:
Pandeji, sidelining everything else, its nice that you are thinking of kids :-)
ha ha Jenny, trust a woman to pick the essence out of a convoluted, rambling story!
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