There are a few social conventions here that really grate on my nerves:
1. Holding doors open - This is a total PAIN. I don't even really understand the custom. Are only men supposed to open the doors? Is it okay for me to go in first if I am with another person? What is the difference between holding a door open for the other person go in first vs going in yourself and holding it open for the person behind you? Well, a few good answers are here. It seems there is a lot of debate on this custom in the new world. Some women think that it symbolizes male dominance over the times and men get frustrated because they are just trying to be courteous.
Me? I do have a problem and not because of male dominance. I have been fighting male dominance since the day I was born and I think this is too small a symbol in too big a fight. (Yes, men who try to argue that the world is not seriously skewed in their favor, are kidding themselves). I do not have a problem if someone holds a door open for me as I am entering a room. My problem is when I am a few feet away and someone stands there waiting for me. I feel pressured on seeing a stranger just holding the door and waiting and I have to do a fast widdle waddle kind of thing to relieve him from his burden. I hate the widdle waddle esp considering the fact that I can open doors for myself and it is a favor I do not need to waddle for.
The Victoria Embankment office of JPM, where I used to work when I was in London, was in an old building and had a series of long corridors with doors at each end. So basically, if you were going to the break room and there was a guy in front of you, and he held the door open for you, you had to run the length of that corridor so that he wouldn't have to wait long. (I don't know why I was always embarrassed when they thought they had to stand there). And then, since it would be rude to overtake him, you would basically have to allow him to open all doors in the series. PAINFUL. And all of us girls agreed. I even started slowing down if I saw someone ahead of me to allow them enough time to get into the maze and not notice me.
2. Hello, how are you today? God, it is crazy. Monday morning you get into office and it starts right from the elevator. You somehow get through it in the morning, taking a deep breath when it dies down by afternoon (you have met almost everyone you are going to meet), only to start all over again the next morning. Sometimes, I feel that I do more of how are yous than actual work. I started thinking on it, secretly abusing the custom and missing India when I realized that we do have an equivalent in the Indian "kya haal chaal hai". So, why do I feel uncomfortable with every 'how are you' interaction, as if it is something I have learned and forced myself to do. After all, 'kya haal chaal' come naturally. And then, it struck me. We never do it with strangers. If somebody asks me how am I doing, they are, at the least, marginally interested. Here, every time somebody asks me, I feel like asking them 'do you really want to know'? and then saying I am not doing too good and then go into details about all my troubles. I may do that once - the day I am totally irritated by this country!
3. How is it going? The only thing worse than 'how are you' is 'how is it going'. I am always at a loss at responding to this. Do I copy the standard 'how are you' response and say 'it is going good for me, how is it going for you'? That sounds so weird. How about 'going good'. Doesn't sound quite right earlier. As a result, I always get flustered. Well, let me google this one right now. Well, google says that acceptable responses are 'alright', 'going good' etc but all of them sound weird to me. I guess I will have to live with this one.
1. Holding doors open - This is a total PAIN. I don't even really understand the custom. Are only men supposed to open the doors? Is it okay for me to go in first if I am with another person? What is the difference between holding a door open for the other person go in first vs going in yourself and holding it open for the person behind you? Well, a few good answers are here. It seems there is a lot of debate on this custom in the new world. Some women think that it symbolizes male dominance over the times and men get frustrated because they are just trying to be courteous.
Me? I do have a problem and not because of male dominance. I have been fighting male dominance since the day I was born and I think this is too small a symbol in too big a fight. (Yes, men who try to argue that the world is not seriously skewed in their favor, are kidding themselves). I do not have a problem if someone holds a door open for me as I am entering a room. My problem is when I am a few feet away and someone stands there waiting for me. I feel pressured on seeing a stranger just holding the door and waiting and I have to do a fast widdle waddle kind of thing to relieve him from his burden. I hate the widdle waddle esp considering the fact that I can open doors for myself and it is a favor I do not need to waddle for.
The Victoria Embankment office of JPM, where I used to work when I was in London, was in an old building and had a series of long corridors with doors at each end. So basically, if you were going to the break room and there was a guy in front of you, and he held the door open for you, you had to run the length of that corridor so that he wouldn't have to wait long. (I don't know why I was always embarrassed when they thought they had to stand there). And then, since it would be rude to overtake him, you would basically have to allow him to open all doors in the series. PAINFUL. And all of us girls agreed. I even started slowing down if I saw someone ahead of me to allow them enough time to get into the maze and not notice me.
2. Hello, how are you today? God, it is crazy. Monday morning you get into office and it starts right from the elevator. You somehow get through it in the morning, taking a deep breath when it dies down by afternoon (you have met almost everyone you are going to meet), only to start all over again the next morning. Sometimes, I feel that I do more of how are yous than actual work. I started thinking on it, secretly abusing the custom and missing India when I realized that we do have an equivalent in the Indian "kya haal chaal hai". So, why do I feel uncomfortable with every 'how are you' interaction, as if it is something I have learned and forced myself to do. After all, 'kya haal chaal' come naturally. And then, it struck me. We never do it with strangers. If somebody asks me how am I doing, they are, at the least, marginally interested. Here, every time somebody asks me, I feel like asking them 'do you really want to know'? and then saying I am not doing too good and then go into details about all my troubles. I may do that once - the day I am totally irritated by this country!
3. How is it going? The only thing worse than 'how are you' is 'how is it going'. I am always at a loss at responding to this. Do I copy the standard 'how are you' response and say 'it is going good for me, how is it going for you'? That sounds so weird. How about 'going good'. Doesn't sound quite right earlier. As a result, I always get flustered. Well, let me google this one right now. Well, google says that acceptable responses are 'alright', 'going good' etc but all of them sound weird to me. I guess I will have to live with this one.
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