Exams finally got over today...though i must say that the "international corporate finance" paper was not a good way to end things! i just hope i scrape through with a "C" and god doenst punish me more for not studying.
well, i elected to celebrate the end of my last mid terms in MDI by watching the movie "MILI" - amitabh bachchan, jaya bhaduri, ashok kumar etc. i had seen the movie as a kid and had been dying to see it again mainly due to jaya bhaduri whose smile i love, big b's dashing looks and acting and the two songs "aye tum yaad mujhe" and "badi sooni sooni hai"....i had the faint remembrance of the story ending on a happy note and i "corrected" ppl here when they said that they dint. Mili, played by bhaduri, is the life of ppl around her, she brings peace and love in big b's life but is herself threatened by a killer disease...a simple sweet story told in an enthralling manner - the hallmark of movies of yore...esp hrishikesh mukherjee....well i generally dont prefer 'rewatching' a movie with a sad ending but i had no qualms about this one as i distinctly remembered bachchan taking bhaduri for a cure in switzerland......
well, i was in for a shock! bachchan does take bhaduri to switzerland but it is implied in the story that she wont get well and die soon and b is just making her last days happy.....i felt a let down...how cud such a movie have a sad ending...though a hard core cynic in real life, i believe in happy endings for movies! and then i realized how i have changed....life hasnt become more cruel - my outlook has changed...i have lost the happy attitude towards life along with my innocence of childhood...then i used to believe in myself - fate would be a mere pebble in front of my self belief...now i bow down before the almighty "fate"
i guess this happens to all of us...today i saw a kid climbind down a treacherous wall, and me and my friend both were scared that she would fall...was it so long ago that i was climbing pipes much more treacherous than that! at that time we dint believe that anything could go wrong when we started smthg....now we live in a fear that everything that can possibly go wrong will happend to us....then we believed that dreams are made for coming true....now we believe in non fulfillment of dreams....then we believed that happiness was a prerogative of life...and now we sadly treat happiness as a luxury in life.
so what can i do to recapture the old flavor...the passion of that age....is that the real way to live life? i guess not ( and hope too, since i can never bring bak my childhood and i want to be happy!)....the only thing is to let yourself flow in the time and believe in the essential goodness of life through it all...and a positive winning way of looking at everything around u which will help u overcome anything
another thing the movie brought out....was the issue of 'death". how do we deal with it? and esp when it is impending? when u know that u r closer to losing a loved one? each moment spent with him/her is one moment less of his life?? i have seen death very closely but i dont think it has prepared me in any way to deal with it....it is so final...no roothna -manana....itni baatein adhoori raha jati hain.....can anybody begin to fill their place in any measure? we do move on in life, but some part of us goes away with them, and we take on some part of them within us, and these are the parts which come bak repeatedly to torment u...just like ppl with whom we have parted ways.....the only difference being that in the former u can never 'hope' to see them again, while in the latter u can only 'wish' not to see them again!!
i can never unlearn what i have seen in life but thru all of it, i have found life beautiful and we shud never lose the focus that we shud enjoy every moment, and each moment shud reflect the zest of a life well lived!!
LIVE LIFE QUEEN SIZE!!
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