Can it really be all equal between the two genders, ever? Can men really shed the outlook they had in college and become “professionals” when they enter the corporate world…..Can woman really stop stereotyping each man she meets? There are some social norms that each gender has to conform to in our society to avoid censure. The censure is not because we do something wrong but because its “different” it causes discomfort to everyone and society labels it as “wrong” so that it doesn’t have to deal with something non conforming and new which someday might bring the whole precarious structure down. B schools are a separate eco system of their own and the norms followed there are very different from those in our “real” world. So, how do we cope with this real world once we enter it after 2 years of isolation? How do we decide what is right and what is wrong?
For example, parties. In b skool, parties were the lifeblood and there was very little gender demarcation in the enjoyment there. Zoom to the office parties. Two major groups – one of guys who are drinking and smoking, the other of girls who are dumbly watching I don’t what……Dance floor – again there are two groups with a very small overlap….What happens if this invisible line is crossed??…..will there be a change in the general attitude towards me if I go there and drink? However hard we try to deny, the answer is YES. What would pass as a general joke on “arey she is a pakka bevdi” in college would become a “hot topic” of discussion in office. My manager would not change his attitude towards me (that too only if he is really professional) but it would always be there in his conscious and if there were some negative feedback about me, it would be instantly linked to this too creating an entirely biased picture of me. Well, I don’t really care what he thinks of me as long as the professional relationship doesn’t suffer but most girls (and guys) are really concerned about their “image” and wouldn’t do what they would really like to do just to preserve their image as “nice” girls (and guys J)…..What about my peers??……ha! U can just feel the change in their attitude…..the certain amount of casualness which creeps in their behavior…..my drinking 1 peg would become a topic for a 1 hour discussion among all the bachelors (when their hangover due to N pegs is finally over) while their bawdy behavior would just be an “amusing” incident. Just because I smoke and drink would make them feel that they can “respect” me less and be officious!! Whoever said that it is a purely “personal taste” had been sadly mistaken, smoking and drinking habits for girls are governed to a large extent by whether we can take the risk of social censure and negative spotlight. This is because nobody would even think twice when they see a guys smoking but a girl smokes and the whole neighborhood would run to gather and watch!
So much about individual attitudes and reactions! The major loss is when it comes to girl vs guys i.e. the comparison arises. A guy drinking with his boss “increases the bonding” while a girl drinking with her boss would only make him either uncomfortable or label it as "one of his experiences with a fast girl"….this is where we lose out….if we have a male boss, u never reach the comfort level a male colleague does and you have male boss 9 times out of 10. In a world dominated by guys, I have always found that proving myself has been really difficult and you have to work twice as hard to be judged at the same level as them. And this experience is shared by most of the girls.
Another concern is the attitude towards the “hot sought after” girls. Even if she is intelligent and hard working, a general opinion would be formed that she goes up the ladder only on the basis of her looks and doesn’t have anything in the head! Secondly, generally lots of guys would be hovering around her and she would be labeled as a person who gets her work done by them just because they are seen around her place and are only bugging her. (I do agree that there are girls who do take advantage of this but the guys go into it with eyes wide open.)
Then the oft debated issue of staying late…..Lets consider a married couple….Even in our present day “modern” context where in women have the freedom to pursue their dreams, they are expected to turn into “superwomen” and take responsibility of the household too….Maid rakh lenge par supervise tum karo…..samaan main le aaonga par reminder and list tum do…..In that case if she is efficient and finishes her work by 6, why shouldn’t she leave by 6? The men are under no such pressure and anyway staying late in office is a good way of avoiding work at home, so take your time! (BTW I am not generalizing it and I agree that there are guys who are considerate of their womenfolk and rush back to them!)….If we examine the case of the bachelors, we find that guys generally loiter in office because they have nothing to do at home and wud be hanging out with a similar bunch of people at home too….in office at least you have the internet, coffee (and AC which is pretty important if it is Chennai) where as girls generally want to get out of it and relax at home. For my personal case, I have always hated staying late unless there is a very valid reason because I feel that my mind needs to unwind and I shud have some personal time too. And most of times, we can finish our work by 7-8 if we plan it well…and then u face remarks like "arey yeh to ladki hai, isko to 6 baje ghar bhagna rahega"!
All said and done, how do we actually tackle this? There seems to be no quick fix solution apart from the slow change in mind set which is already in motion. In my new company, I am happy that the “staying late syndrome” is not very popular… (sadly, I am learning of its presence the hard way!) About the other issues discussed above, I am too new here to comment on them but I am keeping my fingers crossed! I want to be respected/hated for what I have actually done and not on basis of what perceptions are being formed about me!
For example, parties. In b skool, parties were the lifeblood and there was very little gender demarcation in the enjoyment there. Zoom to the office parties. Two major groups – one of guys who are drinking and smoking, the other of girls who are dumbly watching I don’t what……Dance floor – again there are two groups with a very small overlap….What happens if this invisible line is crossed??…..will there be a change in the general attitude towards me if I go there and drink? However hard we try to deny, the answer is YES. What would pass as a general joke on “arey she is a pakka bevdi” in college would become a “hot topic” of discussion in office. My manager would not change his attitude towards me (that too only if he is really professional) but it would always be there in his conscious and if there were some negative feedback about me, it would be instantly linked to this too creating an entirely biased picture of me. Well, I don’t really care what he thinks of me as long as the professional relationship doesn’t suffer but most girls (and guys) are really concerned about their “image” and wouldn’t do what they would really like to do just to preserve their image as “nice” girls (and guys J)…..What about my peers??……ha! U can just feel the change in their attitude…..the certain amount of casualness which creeps in their behavior…..my drinking 1 peg would become a topic for a 1 hour discussion among all the bachelors (when their hangover due to N pegs is finally over) while their bawdy behavior would just be an “amusing” incident. Just because I smoke and drink would make them feel that they can “respect” me less and be officious!! Whoever said that it is a purely “personal taste” had been sadly mistaken, smoking and drinking habits for girls are governed to a large extent by whether we can take the risk of social censure and negative spotlight. This is because nobody would even think twice when they see a guys smoking but a girl smokes and the whole neighborhood would run to gather and watch!
So much about individual attitudes and reactions! The major loss is when it comes to girl vs guys i.e. the comparison arises. A guy drinking with his boss “increases the bonding” while a girl drinking with her boss would only make him either uncomfortable or label it as "one of his experiences with a fast girl"….this is where we lose out….if we have a male boss, u never reach the comfort level a male colleague does and you have male boss 9 times out of 10. In a world dominated by guys, I have always found that proving myself has been really difficult and you have to work twice as hard to be judged at the same level as them. And this experience is shared by most of the girls.
Another concern is the attitude towards the “hot sought after” girls. Even if she is intelligent and hard working, a general opinion would be formed that she goes up the ladder only on the basis of her looks and doesn’t have anything in the head! Secondly, generally lots of guys would be hovering around her and she would be labeled as a person who gets her work done by them just because they are seen around her place and are only bugging her. (I do agree that there are girls who do take advantage of this but the guys go into it with eyes wide open.)
Then the oft debated issue of staying late…..Lets consider a married couple….Even in our present day “modern” context where in women have the freedom to pursue their dreams, they are expected to turn into “superwomen” and take responsibility of the household too….Maid rakh lenge par supervise tum karo…..samaan main le aaonga par reminder and list tum do…..In that case if she is efficient and finishes her work by 6, why shouldn’t she leave by 6? The men are under no such pressure and anyway staying late in office is a good way of avoiding work at home, so take your time! (BTW I am not generalizing it and I agree that there are guys who are considerate of their womenfolk and rush back to them!)….If we examine the case of the bachelors, we find that guys generally loiter in office because they have nothing to do at home and wud be hanging out with a similar bunch of people at home too….in office at least you have the internet, coffee (and AC which is pretty important if it is Chennai) where as girls generally want to get out of it and relax at home. For my personal case, I have always hated staying late unless there is a very valid reason because I feel that my mind needs to unwind and I shud have some personal time too. And most of times, we can finish our work by 7-8 if we plan it well…and then u face remarks like "arey yeh to ladki hai, isko to 6 baje ghar bhagna rahega"!
All said and done, how do we actually tackle this? There seems to be no quick fix solution apart from the slow change in mind set which is already in motion. In my new company, I am happy that the “staying late syndrome” is not very popular… (sadly, I am learning of its presence the hard way!) About the other issues discussed above, I am too new here to comment on them but I am keeping my fingers crossed! I want to be respected/hated for what I have actually done and not on basis of what perceptions are being formed about me!
3 comments:
awfull rambling...but true
why this censoring....???
free speach please....we are in democracy...remember...
arey the censoring is just to filter spam :-)
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