There was a time when I would have scoffed at the idea of staying at home over the weekend. But now, I love lazing around and doing tp on the net over the weekend. It is with great reluctance that I drag myself out of bed if we have plans for the day, as a result of which any fluid plans get pushed to the last possible moment. I had to go to Asda(supermarket) yesterday since there were no groceries left. Although Asda is supposedly open 24 hours, it actually closes at 5 pm. I knew this but somehow it was 2pm before I could push myself up although I was up from 6.30 in the morning. After taking my bath, I thought of cooking something for Sandy (who had fever and had not eaten much since morning) which meant an additional half an hour. Finally, I was ready to leave only by 4pm. I was not too worried since it would take a max of half an hour to reach Asda.
Just as I was leaving home, I thought that since I would be right back, I did not need to lug my handbag ( a pretty heavy one since it has a lot of stuff) and took out my oyster (tube pass) and left the bag there. The tube station is a good 15 min from where I stay. The day was lovely with warm sunshine and a hint of breeze and I had finally loaded songs in my new shuffle. I was some distance away from the station when I saw the bus 223 and the brilliant idea of taking the bus (which would drop me right outside Asda and save the time I would spend waiting for the train) flashed in my mind. I am now an expert on sprinting for buses and I immediately, without any seond thoughts (I can put 'able to think on feet and make split second decisions' on my resume), I showcased my skill along with two pre-teens and managed to board the bus. I was happy that now I would know the bus route also and it was a full 8 min before it struck me that the destination displayed on the bus (which I had glimpsed fleetingly) had been 'Harrow' which is in the opposite direction! Luckily the bus stopped then and I got down quickly and found the bus stop for the right direction. It was 4.25 then and the next bus was at 4.45! Waiting for the bus was not an option in my race against time and I started walking back to the tube station.
I made it to the station at 4.41 and luckily got a train at 4.43pm. I got down at Wembley Park station at 4.47 and rushed out to Asda in the hope that they would let me in if I reached before 5. I had planned on visiting Sandy after my shopping was done although I would have to lug the groceries around (I was ready to pay the price of my earlier laziness). All this while, there had been one spectator(although a forced one, but a spectator nonetheless) to whom I had been giving current updates regarding the race. The situation was akin to what must have been before TV came and people used to listen to BBC updates on matches on AIR with bated breath! I was happily choosing my final sms - an extremely jubilant 'I did it again', a more sedate 'Made it on time' and an extremely humble 'Thank God I reached before it closed'. I had gone about 50m when I suddenly realised that in my hurry, I had taken only my oyster and had left my debit card in my handbag! So much for the rush to make it in time and all the running around I had. Khair, koi baat nahi, I gave it up as a bad job (considering that I did not have enough time to get cash from Sandy) and reversed my steps in the opposite direction to go to Sandy's place. I had gone about 80m when suddenly it struck me that I had withdrawn cash the previous day and could use that even if I did not have my card. It was 4.57 by now and I was pretty impressed by my mind (mera dimaag chacha choudhary se bhi tez chal raha tha) - that I remembered the cash while there were still 3 mins to spare. About turn again and a cross between very very brisk walk and slow jog in the reverse direction. After about 100m, I remembered that even the cash had been left in the handbag! Did I really imagine myself to be dumb/clever enough to take the cash while forgetting the card!!
Well, after that I could not help myself and almost collapsed laughing out loudly. In a place where nobody gives you a second glance, passers by began to stare at me- laughing hysterically - alone and for no apparent reason. After about two min, I realised I was fast becoming a spectacle, had the brilliant idea of calling up my spectator and giving the final update on phone instead of a dry sms. People would think me weird for laughing so loudly on the phone but I would at least escape being tagged mad!
Well, to cut a long story short, Asda did not get the pleasure of my company finally. This incident was even more remarkable given the fact that generally, I am a very organized person, who not only has to remember everything, but I also remember things, dates, tasks for my friends and keep giving them reminders about things they can potentially forget.
Somebody has remarked lately that 'The always balanced, in control, Deepti is finally having a nervous breakdown' (and it was not meant as a compliment)'. I had laughed it off at that time. I am always balanced because I consider emotional outbursts as a way to postpone problems, not resolve them. And if I am in control - it is only because that is the only way I can believe in myself and not because I want to show something to the world. That said, I admit to have broken down a number of times in recent times and though I am ashamed and uncomfortable that anyone has seen my vulnerable self, I am not afraid of owning it.
Later in the evening, I was talking to Aparajita and cribbing that I was spending half my time on the tube. She remarked that I would actually be enjoying the chance to have more time for reading. She did not believe me when I told her that I had not read anything for some time now. She joked that if I am not reading books, then I am surely having a nervous breakdown. This second reference made me stop and think - is there a truth in this? Is this why I am behaving in such a way so contrary to what I am? I don't know the answer to this, but I do know that, if the result is the hearty laugh I had yesterday, then the whole breakdown thing is totally worth it!
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