After wishing everybody Happy Women's Day and nudging the sleeping women bloggers, I hopped to Carpe Diem to leave a comment on the importance of keeping the blog alive. But I saw that Madam Mercury had already fulfilled her promise of writing. And what she wrote got me thinking (luckily I had some time today - to think!)
Once upon a time, I also belonged to what was termed as 'Mahila Mukti Morcha' by Sahil. And he had given a perfect name to it. Our passion was really a morcha! Now, when I think about it today, I realised how much I have evolved since then. Some of it has been maturity, some of it has been time forcing us to accept and grow.
Earlier, one of my main agenda's in the morcha was equality. What I have found to be an acceptable understanding for me is that mathematical equality is not possible - there is always some give and take with the balance sometimes in favor of one and sometimes of the other. This is true for every relationship - be it my sister, my brother, my parents, cousins etc......and so why do I have so much antipathy to extending it to my boyfriend or rather my husband? Measuring each gesture and weighing it up on some imaginary scale is just going to reduce my relationship to an assortment of who did what and more unfortunately, who did NOT do what....
I think this maturity comes with age for all of us....I don't know how we learn it - is it because of the mistakes we make, or is it because as we grow up we learn to look beyond the ideal towards the practical. I can only say that if I had learnt this lesson earlier, I would have avoided a lot of relationship mistakes. But then again, what is the fun in life if there are no mistakes and no lessons to learn....
The other major factor has been our life in the modern workforce. Work life is a full time job and when you just want to somehow get through each day, you have no time to debate over the issues which seemed so important in college life. As working couples, some stereotypes we have grown up with have necessarily changed - not becuase of some enlightenment in the male ego or some freedom movement from the female brigae - but mainly because to keep the job and food going, both simply have to pull up their socks and do all work. So, now it is very common to see the man directing the maid and the woman paying the bills. I see that all the more in US where you do not have household help of any kind so both doing all kinds of work becomes a requirement here.
The so called "freedom of choice" has also played an important role....If I am bound by society's rules to do something, my natural self will rebel against it - but if I am left free to make a choice, then I might utlimately choose what was being forced on me! Big example in point being my teetotalism.....And I think that is where my Dad scored over all typical parents in raising me - he never once tried to impose any rule about my 'boy'friends and I hope ultimately what happened was what he would have always wanted.
But ultimately, I think we are prisoners of our own upbringing. How will we behave if there is no social pressure or lifestyle requirement? And in that scenario, how feminist will I be? I think I will be left only with the greys - I have left all the blacks and whites on the road of becoming a woman.
Once upon a time, I also belonged to what was termed as 'Mahila Mukti Morcha' by Sahil. And he had given a perfect name to it. Our passion was really a morcha! Now, when I think about it today, I realised how much I have evolved since then. Some of it has been maturity, some of it has been time forcing us to accept and grow.
Earlier, one of my main agenda's in the morcha was equality. What I have found to be an acceptable understanding for me is that mathematical equality is not possible - there is always some give and take with the balance sometimes in favor of one and sometimes of the other. This is true for every relationship - be it my sister, my brother, my parents, cousins etc......and so why do I have so much antipathy to extending it to my boyfriend or rather my husband? Measuring each gesture and weighing it up on some imaginary scale is just going to reduce my relationship to an assortment of who did what and more unfortunately, who did NOT do what....
I think this maturity comes with age for all of us....I don't know how we learn it - is it because of the mistakes we make, or is it because as we grow up we learn to look beyond the ideal towards the practical. I can only say that if I had learnt this lesson earlier, I would have avoided a lot of relationship mistakes. But then again, what is the fun in life if there are no mistakes and no lessons to learn....
The other major factor has been our life in the modern workforce. Work life is a full time job and when you just want to somehow get through each day, you have no time to debate over the issues which seemed so important in college life. As working couples, some stereotypes we have grown up with have necessarily changed - not becuase of some enlightenment in the male ego or some freedom movement from the female brigae - but mainly because to keep the job and food going, both simply have to pull up their socks and do all work. So, now it is very common to see the man directing the maid and the woman paying the bills. I see that all the more in US where you do not have household help of any kind so both doing all kinds of work becomes a requirement here.
The so called "freedom of choice" has also played an important role....If I am bound by society's rules to do something, my natural self will rebel against it - but if I am left free to make a choice, then I might utlimately choose what was being forced on me! Big example in point being my teetotalism.....And I think that is where my Dad scored over all typical parents in raising me - he never once tried to impose any rule about my 'boy'friends and I hope ultimately what happened was what he would have always wanted.
But ultimately, I think we are prisoners of our own upbringing. How will we behave if there is no social pressure or lifestyle requirement? And in that scenario, how feminist will I be? I think I will be left only with the greys - I have left all the blacks and whites on the road of becoming a woman.
1 comment:
Yes, we learn to look beyond the ideal towards the practical.
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