Remember

YESTERDAY:

I was reading a book which was quite engrossing in the beginning. It was mainly about a group of friends in their early twenties and I had got the impression that it was about how they got together and raised an orphan. Halfway through I realized that two girls liked(I don't use the word 'loved' deliberately) the same guy desperately (I don't know how this angle crept in) and one of them would lose in the end. How many times we have seen this triangle in hindi movies and how conveniently Bollywood removes a corner of the triangle and makes it a straight line by 1) killing somebody (preferable while saving a life) 2)getting some star in a guest appearance as a sort of salve for the lonely corner 3)giving a negative shade to the extra corner's character.

But books are not like that. They don't make it easy for the reader - they don't guarantee an ending which will satisfy the masses - they have an ending based on how the author views life. I tried reading on impassively and impartially but the memories kept crowding in; finally making me lose the thread of the story. I was left to revisit the past - after a long time. And since I thought of all those things after such a long time, I was able to get some perspective. And I realized that youth is not meant to handle so much of pain. I wonder why it happens like it does - life keeps hurting you when you are so sensitive and then when you develop a hard heart and a thick skin - you are a staid married aunty and nobody is interested in hurting or liking you! 

I also wonder about priorities and the decisions. Are we really equipped to take such decisions at that age? Do we really know what will be important to us when we actual see the results of our decisions. Career was so important that I could give up someone for it. And now, I have compromised big time with my career to be with my husband.

Hmmmm, so yesterdays reflections were pretty somber and I got quite anguished about the youth we have(I had to leave the book halfway). And I was happy that I was now middle aged and would never have to go through all of it again.

TODAY:

Husband ordered 'Chashme Baddoor' from Netflix without telling me - thinking that it was the kind of movies I liked. I was wary about watching the movie because of its associations but did not want to ask him to change. So, tonight we watched it. And it was fun! Yes, I did remember college days the whole time but all of it was good. I even told my husband that I had been named Ms Chamko in college. He was initially surprised but later got the point. Each scene in the movie led me to remember things I had long forgotten - one of the biggest being pillion riding. I realized how much fun we had; how much love and friendship we shared and that is something to be remembered fondly forever.

So, tonight I conclude that yes I am happy that I will never have to go through all of it again but I am happy that it did not pass me by and it happened and it will be able to warm my heart when everything else fails.