to me....not to the blog....
Since I have been away from this blog for a long time, I thought my birthday would be an "auspicious" time to start again. I have been meaning to write a lot of things but the main reason I could not is that I did not have a laptop! and I find typing on the iPhone cumbersome (yes, I need to prove to myself that I need all my gadgets). Now that my husband has been forced to get me a macbook, I am really eager to get back to this page. (Another of God's jokes on me - after years of wishing that someone would buy it for me, when I was ready to do it myself, my husband insists on getting it for me!)
I would love to say that I am at a very good place in life right now. Last month was kinda sad as I was missing little(?) Beth a lot and she also used to cry a lot for me. Life seemed cruel - only parents get to stay with their children- others don't have a right even if they love the child as much as her parents do. But now I have been able to accept this. I am now used to being away from Dad too. I have also accepted the fact that my work life is not going to be good for some time. The account here has some pretty low level work but I am happy that at least I got to move and I no longer feel guilty about being "happy" away from my husband. Austin is a beautiful place and lots of activities are always happening. Furnishing a house here is also a big deal since you have a lot of space. (For friends who are not updated - we bought a house here and no we are not going to settle here).
So, today I turn 31 and am definitely into the next decade now. It seems weird to see my elder cousins approaching 40. We never used to think that all of us would grow so old. Imagination stopped at 30!
This is one of my better birthdays (I hope). I plan to go to the library and then spend some time at Barnes and Noble (I have been wanting to do that for a long time). I am alone today so I will not feel guilty about spending time in a book shop. We are going to Phoenix in the evening for the long weekend so I am looking forward to seeing the kids again. I remember my bday in 2007 where I spent the whole day in bed avoiding calls and people. This is definitely a good improvement.
This was general update from my side. I hope to be regular here and I wish to write about a lot of stuff in my mind. Lets see how many of them make it to this space.
Some things I would like to thank God for:
Giving me family and friends who love me in spite of myself and whom I love in spite of myself.
Giving me a husband and in laws about whom I cannot bitch (even though I would love to!) as a lesson for all the views I held about arranged marriage.
Giving me a dad who has given me all the freedom in the world and let me spread my wings even with all the stupid mistakes I did.
Giving(?) me a mom whose memory (as I get from other people who knew her) who inspires me to be good (sometimes).
Giving me friends who are ALWAYS there for me even if I am sometimes not there for them.
Giving me decent job which gives me enough money to sustain myself and be independent. It was my mom's dearest wish.
Giving me a family background where I could take the most cherished things in my life for granted (food, books, love, education)
Things which I wish God would have done differently:
Leaving my mom with me for some more time so that I could have some of my own memories of her and not what I have from other people's memories. I would give a lot to be able to remember her face in my mind or to at least remember any incidents - I just have a hazy memory of 2-3 scenes.
Letting me be near my dad in his old age. I know it was I who took the decision but I had banked a lot on him getting the visa (which was not correct). And now I firmly believe that this is what was written for me.
Given me a lot more courage in the period of 2002 (end) to 2008 (mid) esp in 2003 and 2005. They were very tough times for me personally and I wish I had handled them better but isn't that always true about hindsight.
Since I have been away from this blog for a long time, I thought my birthday would be an "auspicious" time to start again. I have been meaning to write a lot of things but the main reason I could not is that I did not have a laptop! and I find typing on the iPhone cumbersome (yes, I need to prove to myself that I need all my gadgets). Now that my husband has been forced to get me a macbook, I am really eager to get back to this page. (Another of God's jokes on me - after years of wishing that someone would buy it for me, when I was ready to do it myself, my husband insists on getting it for me!)
I would love to say that I am at a very good place in life right now. Last month was kinda sad as I was missing little(?) Beth a lot and she also used to cry a lot for me. Life seemed cruel - only parents get to stay with their children- others don't have a right even if they love the child as much as her parents do. But now I have been able to accept this. I am now used to being away from Dad too. I have also accepted the fact that my work life is not going to be good for some time. The account here has some pretty low level work but I am happy that at least I got to move and I no longer feel guilty about being "happy" away from my husband. Austin is a beautiful place and lots of activities are always happening. Furnishing a house here is also a big deal since you have a lot of space. (For friends who are not updated - we bought a house here and no we are not going to settle here).
So, today I turn 31 and am definitely into the next decade now. It seems weird to see my elder cousins approaching 40. We never used to think that all of us would grow so old. Imagination stopped at 30!
This is one of my better birthdays (I hope). I plan to go to the library and then spend some time at Barnes and Noble (I have been wanting to do that for a long time). I am alone today so I will not feel guilty about spending time in a book shop. We are going to Phoenix in the evening for the long weekend so I am looking forward to seeing the kids again. I remember my bday in 2007 where I spent the whole day in bed avoiding calls and people. This is definitely a good improvement.
This was general update from my side. I hope to be regular here and I wish to write about a lot of stuff in my mind. Lets see how many of them make it to this space.
Some things I would like to thank God for:
Giving me family and friends who love me in spite of myself and whom I love in spite of myself.
Giving me a husband and in laws about whom I cannot bitch (even though I would love to!) as a lesson for all the views I held about arranged marriage.
Giving me a dad who has given me all the freedom in the world and let me spread my wings even with all the stupid mistakes I did.
Giving(?) me a mom whose memory (as I get from other people who knew her) who inspires me to be good (sometimes).
Giving me friends who are ALWAYS there for me even if I am sometimes not there for them.
Giving me decent job which gives me enough money to sustain myself and be independent. It was my mom's dearest wish.
Giving me a family background where I could take the most cherished things in my life for granted (food, books, love, education)
Things which I wish God would have done differently:
Leaving my mom with me for some more time so that I could have some of my own memories of her and not what I have from other people's memories. I would give a lot to be able to remember her face in my mind or to at least remember any incidents - I just have a hazy memory of 2-3 scenes.
Letting me be near my dad in his old age. I know it was I who took the decision but I had banked a lot on him getting the visa (which was not correct). And now I firmly believe that this is what was written for me.
Given me a lot more courage in the period of 2002 (end) to 2008 (mid) esp in 2003 and 2005. They were very tough times for me personally and I wish I had handled them better but isn't that always true about hindsight.
1 comment:
Pandejiiiiiii!!!
Belated Happy birthday!!!!
Have been refreshing this page since 29 july.. Nice to see something new on 2 sep! I do remember last year, when was trying to reach on ur sis's number.. sadly, no number to call this time.. pls share one!!!
Love Jenny!!
Post a Comment