I have never been much of an idol worshipper - whether be it going to temple or doing puja at home. My mother was very religious and all of us regularly prayed while she was alive. It continued for some years after she passed away - but slowly the habit dropped off. Dad has also always been a praying man - he has always believed in doing his duty. Unfortunately only my sister inherited this from them. My BIL is also quite religious and hence their kids believe in God, or Jai Bhagwan as they call him, from toddlerhood.
Although I have never believed in sitting in front of an idol and worshipping, I have always believed in God as the source of ultimate strength. Initially, I always asked him to 'help' me. There was a time when I desperately asked him for 2 things - and I tried to bribe him with my eternal devotion. As life always has it - I got neither of the two. Both 'non happening' happened almost successively. The communication channels broke and the story stopped there for quite sometime.
But when you have no other options, you have to swallow your hurt and come back and that is what I finally did. I regularly thanked him for everything I had in life and I asked Him for strength to face everything (good or bad) life cared to throw my way. There were periods of regular praying at home too (never really liked the elaborate temple rituals).
From the past one month, I have been feeling that it is not strength that I want, after all. I want FAITH. I desperately want to believe that God is there for me - whatever happens is because he wills it and he has a plan for me. He cares for me and I can relax and blindly believe that what happens will ultimately be for the best. I want the security that somebody is there for me, even in the case where I am not there for myself. I never had this security as a child as I had to spend a number of years with various relatives and so maybe it is difficult for me let go and just believe.
I believe that once I have faith, I will be happy with whatever happens. Blessed are the people who have this foundation in life.
So, now I pray to God to give me Faith in Him.
Although I have never believed in sitting in front of an idol and worshipping, I have always believed in God as the source of ultimate strength. Initially, I always asked him to 'help' me. There was a time when I desperately asked him for 2 things - and I tried to bribe him with my eternal devotion. As life always has it - I got neither of the two. Both 'non happening' happened almost successively. The communication channels broke and the story stopped there for quite sometime.
But when you have no other options, you have to swallow your hurt and come back and that is what I finally did. I regularly thanked him for everything I had in life and I asked Him for strength to face everything (good or bad) life cared to throw my way. There were periods of regular praying at home too (never really liked the elaborate temple rituals).
From the past one month, I have been feeling that it is not strength that I want, after all. I want FAITH. I desperately want to believe that God is there for me - whatever happens is because he wills it and he has a plan for me. He cares for me and I can relax and blindly believe that what happens will ultimately be for the best. I want the security that somebody is there for me, even in the case where I am not there for myself. I never had this security as a child as I had to spend a number of years with various relatives and so maybe it is difficult for me let go and just believe.
I believe that once I have faith, I will be happy with whatever happens. Blessed are the people who have this foundation in life.
So, now I pray to God to give me Faith in Him.
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