I have been reading about forgiveness a lot lately. All of us know that forgiveness is a virtue and all religions stress the importance. But what does forgiveness really mean and why is it so important in our lives?
I have always found it easy to forgive other people but have difficulty forgiving myself for even small things. I now understand that it comes from my childhood where impossibly high standards were set and failure was not an acceptable option. It is not that my dad and sister were hard. Failure was really not an option and today, I am thankful that they did not let me take the easy way out. But anyway, I did not have anything to compare and by the time I realised that I was unhealthily hard on myself, it was too late to change and I thought I could live with it.
As for other people, although I am quick to forgive, I do not forget (I used to think that we should not forget the bitter lessons in life) and I now find that not forgetting hampers true forgiveness. Not forgetting means that when you see or talk to the person, you always go back and obsess about what happened. And there is really no moving forward if you keep thinking about what should essentially be over and done with.
Coming back to why forgiveness is important - the consistent message seems to be that you cannot really heal or move forward until the forgiveness is really there and this needs to happen even if the other person has not asked for it. And I now realize how true it is. You cannot really let go of the residual hurt and inner recriminations until you really forgive - both yourself and the other party. It affects everything you do. I get the concept - my one failure to forgive changed the very course of my life irrevocably. It changed the way I deal with people, the way I deal with life itself. But, I wonder how do you really go about fixing this? I cannot force myself into feelings. I cannot clean up my heart just because I want it. Is this why we need God in our lives? Does having the belief in HIM help us leave things to him and so we dont feel compelled to judge ourselves and others? But, if I can't force a supposedly simple thing like forgiveness in myself, can I force/inspire myself to such a strong belief in a higher power? Now, I know why Gita says that we should not react to either sukh or dukh. Our reactions affect our lives and others around us. Am I ready for the higher plane? Does that plane really deliver the coveted peace of mind? Or is it better that I don't reach that plane, so that I don't have to deal with the disappointment surely waiting for me?
I have always found it easy to forgive other people but have difficulty forgiving myself for even small things. I now understand that it comes from my childhood where impossibly high standards were set and failure was not an acceptable option. It is not that my dad and sister were hard. Failure was really not an option and today, I am thankful that they did not let me take the easy way out. But anyway, I did not have anything to compare and by the time I realised that I was unhealthily hard on myself, it was too late to change and I thought I could live with it.
As for other people, although I am quick to forgive, I do not forget (I used to think that we should not forget the bitter lessons in life) and I now find that not forgetting hampers true forgiveness. Not forgetting means that when you see or talk to the person, you always go back and obsess about what happened. And there is really no moving forward if you keep thinking about what should essentially be over and done with.
Coming back to why forgiveness is important - the consistent message seems to be that you cannot really heal or move forward until the forgiveness is really there and this needs to happen even if the other person has not asked for it. And I now realize how true it is. You cannot really let go of the residual hurt and inner recriminations until you really forgive - both yourself and the other party. It affects everything you do. I get the concept - my one failure to forgive changed the very course of my life irrevocably. It changed the way I deal with people, the way I deal with life itself. But, I wonder how do you really go about fixing this? I cannot force myself into feelings. I cannot clean up my heart just because I want it. Is this why we need God in our lives? Does having the belief in HIM help us leave things to him and so we dont feel compelled to judge ourselves and others? But, if I can't force a supposedly simple thing like forgiveness in myself, can I force/inspire myself to such a strong belief in a higher power? Now, I know why Gita says that we should not react to either sukh or dukh. Our reactions affect our lives and others around us. Am I ready for the higher plane? Does that plane really deliver the coveted peace of mind? Or is it better that I don't reach that plane, so that I don't have to deal with the disappointment surely waiting for me?
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