I don't know how some people escape making decisions. I have seen people happily sailing through life with somebody else making their decisions for them - right from selecting the college, the course and the dress. Although, I have always fiercely protected my right to make my own decisions, today, I envy these people. They escape a lot of stress and life is not too bad for them. You can enjoy anything in life if you choose to accept. Once they accept that somebody else is more capable to think for them, they live happily ever after.
Then there is another kind - the kind who do make a decision once in a while but do not really want to go to the trouble of acting on them - they prefer to let the others involved do all the leg work. So, although they claim to think for themselves, they are saved the trouble of all the consequences they would have to bear had they actively acted.
Unoftunately for me, neither of these two options are for me. Once you behave in a way, family, friends and society force you to continue behaving in the same way. I think this theory had a name but I am too tired to try remember or google it. I have never been one to linger over my decisions and once decided, I waste no time in moving ahead, giving no scope of doubt to myself or others. This time, I have procrastinated for a long long time, hoping that the choice would be taken away from me, hoping that someone would take charge and I could fall back on a support. Maybe, because, I did not want to see the obvious and face the inevitable. But, this is what fate is. It will stand stubbornly in front of you, no matter how much you ignore it or wish it away.
After a lot of agonizing, I have finally succumbed and did what I had to do. I don't believe that I had a choice - though people around me would like me to believe that I have one and I have chosen to choose my choice (!!) Or do I want to believe this just to console myself? I don't know where life goes on from here and frankly at this point, I am too tired to care. Everything I have believed in, planned, the very foundation of my life will no longer be there. Maybe it had never been strong but I was too scared to admit it. I had promised myself once upon a time that I would never make myself go through this again -but as I always agree - If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
I will not read what I have written because it will not make sense even to me! I would advise my friends not to try to make sense of it either. And I am not ready to talk to anybody as yet. Acknowledging it on my blog is the first step towards facing it.
I will be fine, as always.
IF - Rudyard Kipling
Then there is another kind - the kind who do make a decision once in a while but do not really want to go to the trouble of acting on them - they prefer to let the others involved do all the leg work. So, although they claim to think for themselves, they are saved the trouble of all the consequences they would have to bear had they actively acted.
Unoftunately for me, neither of these two options are for me. Once you behave in a way, family, friends and society force you to continue behaving in the same way. I think this theory had a name but I am too tired to try remember or google it. I have never been one to linger over my decisions and once decided, I waste no time in moving ahead, giving no scope of doubt to myself or others. This time, I have procrastinated for a long long time, hoping that the choice would be taken away from me, hoping that someone would take charge and I could fall back on a support. Maybe, because, I did not want to see the obvious and face the inevitable. But, this is what fate is. It will stand stubbornly in front of you, no matter how much you ignore it or wish it away.
After a lot of agonizing, I have finally succumbed and did what I had to do. I don't believe that I had a choice - though people around me would like me to believe that I have one and I have chosen to choose my choice (!!) Or do I want to believe this just to console myself? I don't know where life goes on from here and frankly at this point, I am too tired to care. Everything I have believed in, planned, the very foundation of my life will no longer be there. Maybe it had never been strong but I was too scared to admit it. I had promised myself once upon a time that I would never make myself go through this again -but as I always agree - If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
I will not read what I have written because it will not make sense even to me! I would advise my friends not to try to make sense of it either. And I am not ready to talk to anybody as yet. Acknowledging it on my blog is the first step towards facing it.
I will be fine, as always.
IF - Rudyard Kipling
1 comment:
Ahem...
Can undesrtand everything, almost as a context to me
but then whenever u wanna remember to talk..
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