Decisions

Do choices really emancipate us or are they just another additon to the whole lot confusing the modern world. Today, for the simple task of choosing a shampoo, you have to go through 10 ways to categorize, each category having 10 options so you have to choose between 100 options and if you add the different brand names, it takes the total to 400 conservatively assuming that 4 companies launch a product in each category.
Simple choices create so much pressure that sometimes I hate going to the supermarket! The task of buying milk which should have been so simple (cow/buffalo) now becomes Amul or Katraj or Kate or Govind.....and thank god I am in India, otherwise I would have to deal with 1-100% of fat content!
Well, since I stand as an example for the emancipated and informed consumer, I do somehow manage to wade through these. And I had begun to consider myself as a model new age woman (alas I am no longer a girl!) - quick to choose and firm in her decisions. But now when I stand at crossroads in life, I am at a loss. My heart and my mind say two different things and if I push them towards each other, they overshoot and swap their positions. After a long time, my heart and mind refuse to compromise! And for decisions which change my life, I am not able to choose the priority - heart or mind (at what moment, since they keep changing positions).
I wish I could create business rules for them, something I do right and left in office. Life was so much simpler for the earlier era women - when their choices were made by their fathers, brothers, husbands and sons.....and they just had to resign and adjust themselves. I am not sure that this emancipation has brought more happiness or more heavy responsibilities to me.
The worst part is that now I strongly believe in fate - I believe that what has been written for me will happen in spite and despite my struggling against it. The least God could do was give me some sign regarding which choice was in store for me - at least I would be spared the sleepless nights, depressed waking hours, and hopeless thoughts and I would not have to force myself to fight against the inevitable.......

The worst thing to happen in life is that you go to office to get away from home and and immediately start waiting for the day to end to get away from office and at no time you can escape the impending sense of doom. At no point, you can escape the thought that you have to decide your fate....I dont think that God should be hard hearted enough to make both personal and professional lives extremely lousy at the same time.