Everyone has been raving about this movie on FB (my source for popular opinion on movies - I have stopped reading the official reviews) so I wanted to watch. However, M was not really interested in driving the 60 miles (30 each way) so I did something which I never do - downloaded it from torrent.
The movie is well made with good dialogues and good acting by everyone. More importantly, it tries to tackle a very pertinent issue. It has cleanly separated the manifestation of God from His real presence. I have personally struggled with my understanding of God for many years now. This movie put some perspective although it did not answer any deeper questions (which it did not set out to do in the first place).
I have grown up in a deeply religious family. My mom was very religious and believed in all sorts of fasts and good deeds and was always stoic in the face of any hardship. My dad has increasingly devoted a lot of time to puja over the years. He does not eat till he has done his 2 hour puja. Both my sister and brother in law are religious and always believe in God even in very tough (and good) times. Long journeys will start with bhagwan ke songs. Their only social life is going to the temple. The kids, in turn, believe in 'Jai Bhagwan' a lot. They pray everyday and ask Jai Bhagwan for help when in distress or when they are sad.
With this kind of family, it was no wonder that I started out with similar traits. I used to read the hanuman chalisa and do ekadashi before I even knew what they meant. I remember helping my mom collect 'bel' leaves for shiv puja. But, somehow, somewhere, I lost track and my belief in God became confused. By the time, I passed out from engg, I did pray everyday and did believe in a Greater Being who was responsible for everything but I had lost all urge to go to any kind of temples. The crowds and long aarti had begun to suffocate and bore me. I would still go to temples to sit in the peace and quiet but would actively avoid them during any kind of puja. But, even with this, I believed He was always there to help me.
Then two things happened in my life in my final year and the two years after that which shook up my world. I had always believed that, if I had a clean heart and never did harm to others, nothing bad would ever happen and everything would turn out well in the end. (Evidently, I did not take into account that something bad had already happened to me with my mother's passing away.) But, the foundations of my life crashed and everything turned upside down. I prayed in desperation and made even more deals with God. Of course, nothing happened to stop the disaster and the life as I had planned it got swept away in the aftermath.
It is a quirk of nature that my sister's belief in God increased while mine decreased! For a while, I stopped believing altogether. Then I started feeling really alone. The concept (not the rituals) of God for me had always been a source of strength and companionship for me. On losing that, I lost my bedrock which had always inspired me to keep dealing with challenges. On the other hand, I observed people who believed in God to have this support. I tried talking to people but we have such myriad view of the Holy that it is difficult to resolve issues by debate. I also need to form my own opinions which can be done only by extensive reading. Although I have started praying again, I do not know what I do believe in. It is even more difficult to understand the meaning of God in our culture where we have so many manifestations. But, even with all this confusion, I am very interested in knowing about all our mythology, more as an academic interest.
Someday, I pray and hope to have my faith fully reinstated. I hope to have some sort of answers on what fate is and how it is written. How can I better accept if if I cannot influence it in any way? Will my next birth be affected by this one (I would have thought that God would be logical enough to start with a clean slate everytime)? Even if I do not get answers, I just hope to get to a point where I am comfortable with my interpretation of God and Fate.
The movie is well made with good dialogues and good acting by everyone. More importantly, it tries to tackle a very pertinent issue. It has cleanly separated the manifestation of God from His real presence. I have personally struggled with my understanding of God for many years now. This movie put some perspective although it did not answer any deeper questions (which it did not set out to do in the first place).
I have grown up in a deeply religious family. My mom was very religious and believed in all sorts of fasts and good deeds and was always stoic in the face of any hardship. My dad has increasingly devoted a lot of time to puja over the years. He does not eat till he has done his 2 hour puja. Both my sister and brother in law are religious and always believe in God even in very tough (and good) times. Long journeys will start with bhagwan ke songs. Their only social life is going to the temple. The kids, in turn, believe in 'Jai Bhagwan' a lot. They pray everyday and ask Jai Bhagwan for help when in distress or when they are sad.
With this kind of family, it was no wonder that I started out with similar traits. I used to read the hanuman chalisa and do ekadashi before I even knew what they meant. I remember helping my mom collect 'bel' leaves for shiv puja. But, somehow, somewhere, I lost track and my belief in God became confused. By the time, I passed out from engg, I did pray everyday and did believe in a Greater Being who was responsible for everything but I had lost all urge to go to any kind of temples. The crowds and long aarti had begun to suffocate and bore me. I would still go to temples to sit in the peace and quiet but would actively avoid them during any kind of puja. But, even with this, I believed He was always there to help me.
Then two things happened in my life in my final year and the two years after that which shook up my world. I had always believed that, if I had a clean heart and never did harm to others, nothing bad would ever happen and everything would turn out well in the end. (Evidently, I did not take into account that something bad had already happened to me with my mother's passing away.) But, the foundations of my life crashed and everything turned upside down. I prayed in desperation and made even more deals with God. Of course, nothing happened to stop the disaster and the life as I had planned it got swept away in the aftermath.
It is a quirk of nature that my sister's belief in God increased while mine decreased! For a while, I stopped believing altogether. Then I started feeling really alone. The concept (not the rituals) of God for me had always been a source of strength and companionship for me. On losing that, I lost my bedrock which had always inspired me to keep dealing with challenges. On the other hand, I observed people who believed in God to have this support. I tried talking to people but we have such myriad view of the Holy that it is difficult to resolve issues by debate. I also need to form my own opinions which can be done only by extensive reading. Although I have started praying again, I do not know what I do believe in. It is even more difficult to understand the meaning of God in our culture where we have so many manifestations. But, even with all this confusion, I am very interested in knowing about all our mythology, more as an academic interest.
Someday, I pray and hope to have my faith fully reinstated. I hope to have some sort of answers on what fate is and how it is written. How can I better accept if if I cannot influence it in any way? Will my next birth be affected by this one (I would have thought that God would be logical enough to start with a clean slate everytime)? Even if I do not get answers, I just hope to get to a point where I am comfortable with my interpretation of God and Fate.
1 comment:
I feel as if you have recounted my struggle with faith, and though I somehow have not ventured into thinking about my next birth, I do hope to settle comfortably in an unalterable meaning of faith, destiny and God, for me.
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