As the election season hots up in the US, I hear the issues being debated and the differences in society hits me all over again. That being said, at the heart America is still very conservative. And that brings me to think about abortion. As a background information, America gives a woman the right to choose after the famous Roe vs Wade case but it still continues to be a hotly debated contest with the Repulicans being pro life while Democrats are pro choice. As usual for politics, the focus moves away from the actual issue on hand.
I have always thought a lot about this topic ever since I started understanding about the attitude towards the girl child in India. We are reminded every now and then that it is illegal to determine the sex of the foetus and we read stories of how girl babies are abandoned in garbage dumps. I have also read articles on how sex ratio in Haryana has become badly skewed due to this attitude.
But the abortions continue. And I think why is the govt and moral police bent on bringing girls into the world only for them to be mistreated and used? If a family is poor and cannot afford the costs of a girl, then just give them the choice not to have her. What is she going to see in this life except lack - of education, love of parents because they consider her a burden, respect from in laws who only see her as a drudge, connection with husband because he sees her as an object to be used and abused. I know that we have other laws against dowry, abuse etc but nothing will help until the attitude changes and the girl child gets access to free secondary education so that she can stand on her own feet and not move through life as a dependent. And once she is born and condemned to this life, neither the laws nor the moral police will take it upon themselves to help her.
As for the middle class, attitudes have changed, at least on the surface. Under the covers, they still think that a daughter is 'parayi' and claim a lot from the daughter in law. However, whatever anybody says, daughter and daughter in law are never treated the same. I have seen people not finding anything amiss or worth commenting in their daughter's behaviour and label themselves to be 'free thinking' by 'declaring their non objection' to the same behaviour in the DIL. If you really treated both the same, you would not have to announce it to the world. Do people announce and prove that they love their son and daughter equally? I would rather that people appreciated the difference and not burdened the women with their half hearted gestures. How can a woman who has entered your life after becoming an adult hold the same place in your life as a daughter whom you have nourished to womanhood? And how can parents in law whom you only know because you married their son hold the same place (of love not respect) as parents who gave their blood and tears for you?
I do see that parents are increasingly having a mutually dependent relationship with their daughters - two main reasons being that one, couples now live apart and the girl's parents are more likely to put their life on hold and come to help out with kids. Second is that girls are now more financially independent which forces the husband to respect them and their views and empowers the woman to stand up to her husband and in laws. But, I do still see people, even guys in my generation, wanting sons ostensibly to continue the name (I wonder what they have done to uphold the name such that it deserves to be continued).
In US, the issue is not the girl but the child. And again I say, if the parents don't want the child who would be forced to grow up neglected in foster homes then it would be better off not to have been born at all. I understand that children are god's gift but what is the point of a gift if it is not appreciated? It was heartening to read Laura Bush's memoirs where this was one of the very few points where she differed with her husband's ideology.
This is a debate which will go on in US till it has political fodder. It will remain an issue in India until we finally evolve as a society mature enogh to deal with it (I wonder if we still have sati deaths in any remote corner). Till then, I will continue thanking my God and my parents each day for giving me the wonderful life I have. At least I am able to stand up and match my husband argument for argument!
I have always thought a lot about this topic ever since I started understanding about the attitude towards the girl child in India. We are reminded every now and then that it is illegal to determine the sex of the foetus and we read stories of how girl babies are abandoned in garbage dumps. I have also read articles on how sex ratio in Haryana has become badly skewed due to this attitude.
But the abortions continue. And I think why is the govt and moral police bent on bringing girls into the world only for them to be mistreated and used? If a family is poor and cannot afford the costs of a girl, then just give them the choice not to have her. What is she going to see in this life except lack - of education, love of parents because they consider her a burden, respect from in laws who only see her as a drudge, connection with husband because he sees her as an object to be used and abused. I know that we have other laws against dowry, abuse etc but nothing will help until the attitude changes and the girl child gets access to free secondary education so that she can stand on her own feet and not move through life as a dependent. And once she is born and condemned to this life, neither the laws nor the moral police will take it upon themselves to help her.
As for the middle class, attitudes have changed, at least on the surface. Under the covers, they still think that a daughter is 'parayi' and claim a lot from the daughter in law. However, whatever anybody says, daughter and daughter in law are never treated the same. I have seen people not finding anything amiss or worth commenting in their daughter's behaviour and label themselves to be 'free thinking' by 'declaring their non objection' to the same behaviour in the DIL. If you really treated both the same, you would not have to announce it to the world. Do people announce and prove that they love their son and daughter equally? I would rather that people appreciated the difference and not burdened the women with their half hearted gestures. How can a woman who has entered your life after becoming an adult hold the same place in your life as a daughter whom you have nourished to womanhood? And how can parents in law whom you only know because you married their son hold the same place (of love not respect) as parents who gave their blood and tears for you?
I do see that parents are increasingly having a mutually dependent relationship with their daughters - two main reasons being that one, couples now live apart and the girl's parents are more likely to put their life on hold and come to help out with kids. Second is that girls are now more financially independent which forces the husband to respect them and their views and empowers the woman to stand up to her husband and in laws. But, I do still see people, even guys in my generation, wanting sons ostensibly to continue the name (I wonder what they have done to uphold the name such that it deserves to be continued).
In US, the issue is not the girl but the child. And again I say, if the parents don't want the child who would be forced to grow up neglected in foster homes then it would be better off not to have been born at all. I understand that children are god's gift but what is the point of a gift if it is not appreciated? It was heartening to read Laura Bush's memoirs where this was one of the very few points where she differed with her husband's ideology.
This is a debate which will go on in US till it has political fodder. It will remain an issue in India until we finally evolve as a society mature enogh to deal with it (I wonder if we still have sati deaths in any remote corner). Till then, I will continue thanking my God and my parents each day for giving me the wonderful life I have. At least I am able to stand up and match my husband argument for argument!
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