Sweet Home

So, after all my frustrations and hopes for a "dawn" and yet another delayed flight, I am back to home base. Someone we met in Austin asked me where home was and my honest from the heart reply was "I dont know". Unfortunately, my husband was also there and the reply came out of my mouth before I could think, analyze and stop it. I am sure he would not have liked the fact that I do not think that his place is my home. But the guy he is (Bless him1), he did not say a word. I am sure my sister also wouldnt have liked hearing that I dont think of Phoenix as home. Sadly for me, now even Pune seems an old, distant dream, just to be remembered with fondness with the knowledge that it can never come closer. So, it seems that I am caught in transit - I have left Pune but not yet reached anywhere. So symbolic when I look at all the flying and transiting I am doing these days.

As I have said earlier, I miss my solitude most. But when I mull over it, I dont know why I need the solitude so much. I dont know why everytime something happens I have to run to a corner and lick my wounds in private. Why dont I have the courage to show that I am hurt, angry or plain sad? Why dont I have the courage or capability to cry even when I am alone? There was a time when we never thought about controlling or hiding emotions - everything you felt reflected in your behavior - at that time we did not know about how life could hurt. And now not letting myself be hurt has become so ingrained that I cannot unwind even in private. Maybe once I start accepting and dealing with my emotions this craving for solitude will slowly decrease.

Till then, lets see where life takes me and where and when my homecoming will finally be.